Copyright (C) Anthony William Johns. Years 2002 To 2009
34 Bishops Hill. Ipswich. Suffolk. IP3 8EN.
There is adult material on this page including foul language and explicit sexual details. You need to be 18 years of age or over to read this page. There are no links to visual imagery pornographic material: or pornographic sites.
Some of the writings on these pages reflect the adapted mental state to 1991, where the author rejected religion. The author has changed mental state again and now feels that religion and science will take this life-form forward to eternal life.
Note.
This log has been going on for 13 years. Over this period of time the
author has been almost daily sexually profiled virtually where ever he
goes in Ipswich for political reason. The effect of this is horrendous,
this causes displayed lewd behaviour as chronicled below.
The mental impairment caused by the realisation of many resultant false positives that are realised by the author: this causes all sorts of phobias and changed sexual interests to appear, the not looking at faces and looking down at female breasts, looking down at men's lower parts, the being attracted to the backs of heads of people, and the backs and bottoms of people.
This mental impairment, the brain sees as adult abuse, also drives sexual interest down to children. This has only ever caused self masturbation by the author if pubescent children have offered him sex. The Author has no interest in having sex with children. This will never happen.
There is reference to the bad police in some parts of this diary, there are good honest police officers and corrupt very bad officers. Bad police officers will do anything for money, some will do unlawful things like planting drugs or planting child porn on computers to remove a political enemy: anything to get up that ladder.
This diary in it's entirety is seen to be useful to psychologists in the many adaptations as recorded.
Always down load these pages. In your browser: go to File and Save As.
Tuesday 18TH November. 2008.
I left my house at approximately 2PM to go in to town, as I approached
Myrtle road there were two young women and a child aged 7? walking
towards me. They turned in to Myrtle Road and stopped, they were
looking at me. One of the women said to the boy that's the pervert,
look at him, I said that's the pervert look at him. I briefly looked at
the trio and smiled at them. This did not annoy me at the time, but
annoyed me a bit little time later. Five years ago such statements
would have heavily negated my brain to anger and depression for days.
The following shows how paranoia is built up by listening to casual conversation. In Ipswich Shopping centre, in the Primark shop, I was at the checkout at at 3:30PM a woman was near me. After I paid, I touched the woman's arm to bring her attention to the fact that she was ready to go to the check out, she was not looking at the checkout. When the woman got to the check out I heard her say, 'it will soon be over',the reply from the checkout girl was, 'I know'.
I thought about this conversation and I could not tie this in with any current event, or pending event. This troubled me for a couple of days, was the woman referring to me, had I been poisoned? Was this common knowledge? Was It common knowledge that I would be detained in a mental hospital? Rule Number One, do not listen to or pay attention to other peoples conversation. Interesting! This was a very similar overheard conversation to the conversation overheard in Sainsbury's February? This year: that further destabilised me then.
Wednesday 19TH November. 2008.
I went to see Pat my neighbour, she laughed when she saw me, I laughed
too, I said it's your nutty neighbour, if you cannot laugh at
yourself, you have no right to laugh at others. I apologised for
the schizophrenia and explained it, I said I know its schizophrenia, I
never harm people who I think are poisoning me. I said that I would
never harm people, even if I had voices in my head to harm them, I know
that by my experience in 1988 that a voice in the head can give
inaccurate commands, and not to respond in any way to voices in the
head.I have never seen frightening moving images that could cause a
violent reaction.
Pat knows about my assessment that I thought that my sister was poisoning me a couple of years ago, I never harmed my sister, I informed my sister of my concerns, this hurt my sister, but we have got on well since, I drink and eat food at my sisters, and there has not been any further thoughts that my sister would harm me.
I telephoned my sister as normal on a Wednesday afternoon, and told her of the whole scenario with Pat, she knows that I would not harm Pat. The only person that I have harmed in the last 12 years was recent, I bashed him for threatening a disabled girl by throwing her down some stairs and for trying to have sex with her. This man frightened the girl, mental age 12, frightened her very much.
Thursday 20TH November. 2008.
I bought some bread from the local Tesco,s shop the day before, the
packet was not well sealed. I did not want to return to the shop to
return it I was busy writing this updated account. I threw the top two
rounds away. After breakfast I became very thirsty after drinking
three cups of tea and drank water. I thought this was odd, and
obviously thought linked this to the bread.
My saliva was bitter, I keep PH measurement sticks in the house, so I tested the PH of my mouth saliva, it was normal PH 5.5. My teeth have been painful the last few days, particularly my upper teeth. This pain is rather like the pain you can get when something cold like an ice cream comes in to contact with the teeth, or hot liquids do the same. I typed, ( vitamin K deficiency tooth pain ), in to the search engine google. The result was vitamin K deficiency causes loss of teeth and hair. Vitamin K deficiency is very rare. Interesting.
This is now the 14Th day since I had that cup of tea with Pat, if the rat poison was in the tea at a possible or near lethal dose, and if it was brodifacoum, then it will still be effective, and it will be causing damage. There was slight gum bleeding at 6:60 PM this day after eating very soft food. I cleaned my teeth carefully an hour later to see if there was any further bleeding, there was none.
Continued - Thursday 20TH November. 2008.
In the mid afternoon the wind was very strong around my house, I heard
a crash, I went outside to see if there was any damage, there was
none. Later in the afternoon, I heard voices at the rear of my house.
I went outside to see Martin Pat's son up a ladder at her house. I
asked Martin if there was damage he replied no, he was replacing the
TV aerial. I spoke to Pat, she said the garden gate that I had recently
now fitted did not now close.
I inspected the gate, it had moved and swelled a bit, so I used a wood planer to remove some of the wood until the gate fitted. Upon further inspection I found the gate had moved slightly at the top hinge, I explained to Pat what had happened, I finally said you could say it is a bit unhinged rather like me, we both laughed at this. I have not lost my sense of humour.
Friday 21ST November. 2008.
Mouth still acidly, blood appeared in mouth, but soon stopped. This
was about half hour after a meal. Small blood vessel rupture? bleeding
gums, this has not happened since last year.
Paranoid Schizophrenia.
In the instance of evaluating that a person wants to harm you makes you
work out the reasons why such a person would want to harm you. This
adds to the paranoia if a logical analyses can take place. The
following pattern of links took place. Why would Pat want to
poison me?
1. Pat stated that she has never heard any person say anything negative about me.
2. Pat is friendly with Mary a neighbour that has shouted abused at me, presumably through my internet publications, or being told of my unusual behaviour: or, as displayed in local failed tests.
3. Pat's daughter is a Jehovah's witness minister that rejects any thought of evolution. Quote from the daughter, 'we did not evolve from monkeys'. Pat's daughter does not like my atheist views. She wanted me to read Genesis from the bible. I read a bit of it and told her it was rubbish. Pat's daughter has probably read or had information pertinent to my internet publications. The Jehovah's witness church is not far from my house.
4. Pat went to a house auction with her daughter, her daughter is looking for a house to refurbish. My house would be a good project for a refurbish.
5. My house would suit some of Pat,s grandchildren that are now old enough to live alone. Pat possibly wants these children living next door to her. Her daughter may want the children to live next door to her mother: so can keep an eye on the children.
6. Pat was very mentally negated by a pervert some years ago. Pat did say to me about a year ago, 'people will soon be taking the law in to their own hands to get rid of the perverts.'
7. About two months ago, I think it was a Sunday, I was eating my lunch outside on my garden table. I heard a man's loud voice at Pats, it was her son in law. He said, 'have you read that book, it's disgusting'. Pat replied, 'keep your voice down, he's there'. I assume the son in law was referring to the published book Surrogate Daughter published on my memetic1.com web site. Pat read the book in paper about 12 years ago. I queried this with Pat a few days later, she said she had no knowledge of the conversation with the son in law.
Final Notes.
Most of the testing in Ipswich Town centre has stopped, most of the
testing is now carried out at the nearby Tesco's. In conversation with
Pat a few months ago we discussed my mental demise. Pat said referring
to the authorities, 'they have destroyed your credibility', we agreed
this.
Did Pat psyche me out with that cup of tea followed immediately by the rat poison comments. She would know that this would cause me massive paranoia. Was she advised to do this to force me to seek help from the authorities?
I spoke to my eldest daughter about this, her reply was that was nasty. Her conclusion was that it was deliberate.
The law was changed earlier in the month, I was paranoid about this, the government can now detain people that they see is disruptive to their progress under the new mental health act. All isolated people that go up against the government can be silenced, it takes time, but they get them in the finish. This prompted me to put up a significant web page on this site without relevant research, no time for that.
I may go to have to go to an A@E unit, or see a G.P. to get a blood test to bring this matter to a conclusion. Hospital, which one? Ipswich? Colchester? Norwich? I am speaking to my sister at 10:30 AM Tomorrow, 22ND October 2008. I might discuss this.
Saturday 22ND November. 2008.
I spoke with my sister at 10:15 AM. We discussed all of the poisoning
paranoia and the symptoms that I was getting. I said that I may go to
a hospital for a blood analyses.
In Ipswich town, in the afternon, I was walking along Carr Street, main street, with my head down when a lovely pair of female lags, black stockings, came in to view, ( these well shaped gorgeous legs were what you would expect to see on a 16-17 year old girl. I slowly looked up the legs and to the face of the girl. I scrutinised her face, I aged her at 14. This girl was in the middle of a group of girls. A younger girl who was nearest to me said. ' he liked them'. whether she was referring to the stockings or the legs I do not know, I should have replied, ' I loved them, her legs are gorgeous.'
Sunday 23RD November. 2008.
After considerable thought of going to a hospital to get checked for
vitamins deficiency linked to Brodifacoum poisoning, I decided to go
and see an optometrist and have my eyes tested, I had made the
appointment the previous day, Upon enquiry, I would have to pay for
the photography. The photographs of both eyes did now any bleeding in
the eyes, or blood formed or bleeding behind the eyes. I was pleased
with this. my eyes had been photographed to get prescription glasses
two months before.
Final Notes.
The recent assessment of the police test in Tesco's, I was not aware of
any sexual interest in the boy, however, I liked his mother.
The way Sarah has abused me, and abuse from other people has changed my sexual interests yet again. I have been blanking out pink clad for some time, this has reduced my interest to a certain extent in pink.
I been blanking out pink and black clad female children, this has also reduced sexual interest in girls, but unfortunately has increased the sexual interest in boys. I like looking at girl children, pink clad, although I do not feel that this is sexual, I like female children more than boys, I look at them, and I want to cuddle them. Overall sexual drive has decreased through the psychological damage, however, it is approaching winter, this is normal for most people. I still look at people a lot, this is still part habit from the 1996 inducement of this behaviour. I have returned to having an greater interest in looking at male and female bottoms.
Regards the recent and hopefully the last poisoning paranoia with Pat. There is still one final area to cover in my thorough investigation, as in the past poisoning paranoia's, I always engage in a thorough investigation. If I positively found proof for rat poisoning although the evidence seems against Pat seems strong, the parameters are wide, there are several ways any person could get rat poison in to my system, I am not prepared to publish these ways because of my concern for my safety: and for the safety of others. I would never take personal action against a person that I thought had poisoned me, the authorities are there for this.
Every symptom that I encountered in physiological changes including bleeding can be schizophrenic inducement: to the exclusion of the teeth pain, lungs pain, phlegm frothy and breaking up, this was new. This is now added to my memory list and in any further poisoning paranoia: this could show up as an induced schizophrenic condition.
My assessment of my sexual interests is as follows, as published: in a recovering induced poor mental state by paranoia, and local blanket sexual testing: Assessed 26TH OCTOBER 2008. And Published incorrectly that day.
Female children under 12 - 10%
Male children under 12 - 20% Particularly very dark black clad.
Men - 20%
Women - 50%
I do not want sex with men or children.
Neither does men or children make me sexually fantasise about them.
After 6 Days evaluation of my sexual interests these interests are more complex than I had previously calculated. The revised figures are as accurate as I can assess to the 3RD December 2008 are published below.
Female children under 12 - 10%
Male children under 12 - 15% Particularly very dark shiny black clad.
Men - 15%
Women - 60%
The male children under 12 - 15% That I assess, is not all sexual interest, I used to cuddle my grandson a lot when he was very young. I feel that perhaps 10% of this interest is just the cuddle loss as I become more isolated and withdrawn from society because of effectively the abuse since 1992. 16 years of abuse through principally adults continuous sexual testing of me is a long time.
As previously stated: I do not want sex with men or children.
Neither does men or children make me sexually fantasise about them.
Monday. 24TH November. 2008.
Most of my paranoid poisoning concern has gone today
My interests have now changed. I last looked at the girl and the woman
in the displayed pictures below in late April as chronicled on page
396 of this part 12 of this recording of tests and my adapting sexual
interests. I am now at first more attracted to the girl on the left,
particularly the red adornment on her head, and the red bra display on
the left. I am now more attracted to smaller breasts. But after looking
at the images for about 30 seconds switching, looking at one image, and
then the other at 5 seconds, intervals: the woman on the right becomes
the greater attraction.
|
|
Tuesday 25TH November. 2008.
Upon looking at the pictures above today, the changed interest from
yesterday to the woman was retained, this is normal, refreshed memory
retains, I looked with
sexual attraction to the tanned large breasted woman first: on the
right, however, I was not so attracted to the large breasts as I was
six months ago, Sarah has very very large breasts, her induced
psychological damage to me has put me off large breasts a bit for the
moment.
I popped to see Pat my neighbour at 9 AM with a nice bouquet of flowers. When Pat opened the door, I said, 'Hi Pat, will you accept my sincere apologies for my recent behaviour with these flowers.' Pat said 'yes,' looked at the flowers we both remarked how nice they were. Pat said 'I will not offer you a cup of tea,' I said 'I do not want a cup of tea thank you,' we both laughed.
We discused the paranoia, and I explained how horrible it was, Pat agreed that it must be awful. I said to Pat 'I hope this has not marred our friendship,' she replied no.' I left Pat and was happy that we were still on good terms. I saw my eldest daughter later in the day and my granddaughter, we got on quite well.
I feel I do not want a girlfriend at the moment, I am quite happy.
The amount of sexual testing in Sainsbury's in Upper Brook Street has reduced when I use this shop.
Wednesday 26TH November. 2008.
I went to see my eldest daughter in Ipswich today, my Grandaughter
was present, I was not sexually attracted to her, she realised
this and when she was close to her mother she said no to a question,
and said Phew!
Monday. 29TH November. 2008.
I was surprised to find an e-mail from David Miles the ex friend
that with stealth engineered me in a poor mental state to act out
the sexual fantasy that he knew about since 1988: when in a very
poor mental state in 1988 just after a nervous breakdown, I
fantasised about having oral sex with him. As chronicled in this
book last year, in a poor mental state after splitting up with
Sarah, he flaunted himself in front of me in his underpants,
this sexually aroused my interest to act out the oral sex fantasy.
I only did it the once, and after this I was angry with him for taking advantage of my poor mental state, and as chronicled in this book I told David that I did not want to see him any more. I had not seen him: or communicated with him. There was also a contributary factor for me not wanting to see David. There was sexual testing at his flat with one of his friends when I used to go there, plus I always felt David was collecting information for an Ipswich agency or agency's, the police or Ipswich Borough Council. The e-mail is pasted below. The original e-mail from David is at the top, this is my reply, hence the title good luck.
Good Luck! From: Anthony Johns e-mail Address deleted. To: David Miles e-mail Address deleted. Date: 2008-12-29 18:39 On Mon, 2008-12-29 at 10:04 -0500, David Miles wrote: > Hi, > I can not let the year come to an end without trying to put and end to gulf > between us. I have no anger management skills or psychological experience > either so I was unable to recognise the signs that I was going too far. For > this, I apologise unreservedly. I hope you can understand. > David Hello David, your e-mail requires considerable thought for me to reply too. It has been a very difficult year for me for relationships. In January this year, shortly after our last communication, Sarah decided to test me to see how much I loved her by playing a mind game. The mind game was for her sister to say that Sarah had been unfaithful to see if I loved Sarah and stayed with Sarah. The sister is more honest than Sarah so I believed the sister. Her sister now says this was a game, however, the psychological damage was horrendous making me hypomanic and mentally negated, almost total loss of sleep, to the point of the on-set of schizophrenia and heart fibrillation. I however avoided the psychiatric services: more by luck than chance. Who was lying I still cannot really get to the bottom of, and at this point in time, I really do not care who was lying and why. You are correct, I have psychopathic tendencies, and after the way I felt you tricked me in to sexual activity by stealth, virtually every time I saw you I wanted to punch you in the face, of coarse I never did. I cannot see a scenario where I would ever do this to you: or harm you in any way. The two things that thoroughly annoyed me were, 1. You said with full knowledge that I keep an on-line diary, that has to be accurate, that you did not mind if I publish our sexual details. Had I have known that you were going to change your mind after the event: I would not have entered in to any sexual activity with you. 2. Again, in an act that I determine as stealth: or sneaky, you wanted me to bring Sarah to you for sex without her knowledge of your intention. This a found to be equally immoral: and thoroughly annoying. Irrespective of Sarah's learning difficulties and low IQ I would not take any girl under any circumstances without her knowledge to any man for his sexual gratification. We helped each other for years, I felt you genuinely helped me if you could in many ways computer problems Etc. I also helped you if I could. I still use the computer that you gave me last. Sarah still uses the Hi-Fi you gave her, thanks. I bought a second hand stand alone CD player to use with the Hi-Fi: this works well. Sarah also buys second hand cassette tapes that she plays in the unit. Obviously, I am still with Sarah, we are now back together for the fourth time. I Hope you are OK. I have tried to put myself in your situation psychologically, it must be very difficult for you, blind with a good brain, exasperated, because with sight there is so much more that you could achieve. Sexual drive is still there, no money for prostitutes, if I was in the same position as you would I have acted the same way with stealth? I cannot discount this scenario. I am still angry with you, and I do not think that we should see each other, however, I sincerely accept your apology, and hope that in 2009 you achieve all that you wish for. Kind Regards. Best Wishes. Tony Johns.The reply from David Miles: as expected, was very interesting: this is pasted below.
reeeee-sult! From: David Miles e-mail Address deleted. To: tony e-mail Address deleted. Date: 2008-12-30 10:59 My luck is overflowing
I had deliberately put in to my correspondence with David that I was a psychopath and when I saw him that I wanted to punch him in retaliation for his behaviour: this was of course true. This was obviously the result, reeeee-sult! David was looking for. It is not unlawful to be a psychopath: what is unlawful is to be a criminal psychopath where in this case, had I assaulted David, this would be a criminal act.
I always felt David was conspiritual with IBC, his daughter used to work there, also, John Booty, the ex head of IBC benefits, I now believe at the time held a position with Ipswich blind society, that David is, or was a committee member of. As Chronicled in my book, The Fiddle, as published on this site, Booty lied with a Miss Freeth, made false police statements, to try to get me imprisoned in 1996. The police arrested me because of these false conspired police statements.
The police after questioning me, did not believe IBC's account, so I was released from police custody. My solicitor in this instance was Charles Riddleston, now a criminal law consultant to his firm.
I researched John Booty Ipswich Blind Society on google, this turned up,
VISION 2020 UK Ipswich Blind Society is offering a new service at St Felix Home for the Blind in Felixstowe. ... Further details from: John Booty, Executive Officer on 01473 219712. Ipswich Blind Society ..... Iain Kennedy, NPDT Trainer and Consultant ... www.vision2020uk.org.uk/library.asp?libraryID=305§ion=000100050005 - 35k - Cached - Similar pages John Booty, Executive Officer, Ipswich Blind Society Ltd
I telephoned the number above for Ipswich Blind Society, the receptionist confirmed that Booty was the ex head of Benefits at IBC and that he was still with the blind society. Interesting, that the Ipswich Blind Society, is a Limited company.
Ipswich Borough Council is a breeding ground for fiddlers. I hope John Booty is now being a good boy. I assume the Ipswich Blind Society's accounting books: are not created and perused by blind accountants.
Every year since 1996, I researched John Booty on the internet. About
eighteen months ago a came across an internet site where Booty was
acting as a freelance consultant training people for local government
work. I down loaded the site and kept it on file. Nice picture
John.
Monday. 1ST December. 2008.
As I was about to cross the Eagle Street Fore Street cross roads
walking South East, there was a woman on the other side of the road
aged 40? With large breasts. I deliberately looked to see if it was
a test, the woman smiled, the breast were nice, the interest in the
woman's large breasts was less than it has been for the last few
months.
Notes. I spoke to a grandad that has lost his wife, he said that for him this then created a sexual interest in girl children that he keeps under strict control. I feel that this is not isolated.
In August? I was attracted to a female child's doll, I wanted to pick it up and cuddle it, was this the turning point of the declining sexual interest in female children?
I still have love for Sarah. More so to a certain extent: that our unusual relationship will now be a stand alone book. There is of course a parallel in that I still have love and respect for Hayley Coyne for giving me the most unusual science book Surrogate Daughter that allowed me to work out the human brain as a percentage calculating machine. I would like to meet Hayley if this can be arranged.
The meeting for me would be a very emotional event, I would not hurt Hayley, The emotion for creating the greatest science book of my life, and the fact that we were both extremely hurt by the situation needs to be addressed. Please write to me Hayley.
I have placed the small image of the large breasted woman above on my desktop, also a small image of Britney Spears in a rather sexy pose. Above these two images is an image of Sarah, all three images catch my gaze as I return to the desktop quite a few times a day. I hope that this reduces the men / boy interest.
Recently, I have sometimes started to stare at men's faces in close proximity. What I am looking for I do not know, perhaps features of Sarah?
Homosexuality Sub Conscious?
I was severely abused by equal age boys until aged 11, severely abused
by boys. Would this inequality for me make me want their love? Would
this cause an underlying sexual attraction to boys to emerge later?
As A fundamental brain program, probably retained in sub conscious?
I handled a boys penis at age 13 he did the same to me, we looked at
our erect penises. In the boys school shower changing room the boys
would often all make themselves erect to see who had the largest
penis.
When I fell in love with Jamie Bennett in 1992, as I described this in the book Surrogate Daughter, there was not the slightest sexual interest in Jamie. I loved him for his competitive sport projection and his fantastic sense of humour, we just became very good friends. I would think that there are many records that men and women have made in fast adaptation to homosexual sexual interests where there was no prior interest. These notes were finalised 03-12-08. There is now an update to 05-01-09. The next months chronicle is of interest I assess only for it's fast sexual interests adaptation science interest.
Friday. 6TH December. 2008.
I had kept in communication with Sarah, Sarah had bruises on her arms,
breasts, and a black eye. She admitted Rose had beaten her again,
and had been hitting her for some time, she was very scared of Rose.
I suggested Sarah came to my house the next day.
Saturday. 7TH December. 2008.
I made love to Sarah at my house with a condom. Peter Rose telephoned
me while Sarah was with me, he said he had another girl who wanted to
go out with him, I suggested that we share Sarah. I repeated what he
had said over the phone.
Sarah grabbed the phone and asked Rose if he wanted to end the relationship. Sarah, typical of a nymphomaniac is very jealous of her boyfriends, and wants to retain them. The conversation with Rose soon ended. I was very angry with Sarah for taking the phone, Rose could come to my house and attack me or break the windows. I was very angry indeed, any altercation at my house could annoy Pat my neighbour: and she could complain to my landlady.
I shouted at Sarah explaining this, I also felt that Rose possibly wanted to share Sarah with me, perhaps this could have been an ideal solution, however, I doubt it. Rose is an habitual psychopathic woman beater. I do not like him, I do not want any communication with him. I was very angry at Sarah's stupidity, particularly, any behaviour that jeopardises my tenancy. I told Sarah, what is good for the goose is good for the gander, this means if she is fucking Rose and me, why can't Rose have another lover?
This event was very surprising in that the very next day the sexual interest in men and boys dropped dramatically, so did general sexual interest. I was very pleased with the men / boys change of mental state. I continued to see Sarah for the next week when she was not with Rose, we made love with condoms. The interests in men and boys did not return. Sexual drive for Sarah has dropped dramatically, due to her stupidity, always aggravation with Sarah, general sexual drive is less.
Friday. 12TH December. 2008.
I went to Norwich for the weekend to see my sister to fix up her
outside Christmas lights, and her lounge Christmas tree lights.
Sunday. 14TH December. 2008.
My sister went out with friends the night before, and arrived back
late. I awoke her with a cup of tea at 8AM this day, she said she
was tired and would have a lay in bed. I always have three cups of
tea first thing in the morning in quick succession, I also enjoy
reading my science books at this time. My sister is very stern in
the regimes she wants me to follow, this has caused problems in the
past as I am always deep in thought and consequently do not at times
adhere to her strict regimes: I consider this petty and annoying.
This day I drank 2 cups of tea, my sister was laying in bed, my sister usually drinks tea about every 2 hours so she always puts the milk back in the fridge. After drinking 2 cups of tea in quick succession I went in to the lounge to read my New Scientist, this requires concentration. I left the milk on the worktop, I knew that I would soon be back before my sister gets up. After about 15 minutes my sister got up, I had expected her to lay in much longer. After going in the kitchen she returned saying I cleared up the mess you made. This thouroughly annoyed me for the day.
In the afternoon I spoke with my sister and said in the past when I had called to see her we had on a couple of times had disagreements. I said that I was concerned that we might not get on well over Christmas. It also meant a lot of work for her, we liked watching completely different television programs. I felt it was a mistake to spend Christmas with her. We agreed to have Christmas apart. The winter weather was also an issue, it could be bad.
Wednesday. 17TH December. 2008.
Teeth still sensitive.
Thursday. 18TH December. 2008.
Rose arrested for a further beating of Sarah. He was bailed awaiting
trial with the normal conditions of not to have any further
communication with Sarah or to go near where she lived.
Friday. 19TH December. 2008.
Rose went to see Sarah at her home, he had a pass key to let himself
in to her flat. He had a second key cut, he had returned, or the
police had returned the original key. Rose wanted Sarah to withdraw
the police complaint, friends were there protecting Sarah. Rose was
told to leave, he would not go, the police took him away handcuffed.
Two of the friends who protected Sarah this day, male and female, were still there in the evening, Sarah and the two friends drank alcohol, I refrained from this scenario. The man who is known as being aggressive, became aggressive, this concerned me and Sarah so we both agreed not to have them call at her house again.
Sarah and I had sex this day, we always have sex when I see her, I did not use a condom, condoms have come off twice recently when Sarah was riding me for a long time, The erection is not so firm, because of the recent psychological damage. I have decided to have sex with Sarah always without a condom, gambling against catching a terminal infection, I hope Rose did not have anything nasty, and gave it to Sarah.
Saturday. 20TH December. 2008.
12:15 AM. Sarah and I had sex as usual, I had oral sex with Sarah,
in the afternoon I had a slight fever, and a slight headache lasted
for 2 days. Rose appeared before Ipswich magistrates: and was remanded
in prison until his trial. Goodbye Mr. Rose. Sarah this day saw the
male friend as she went shopping locally, he was drunk and unhappy,
his life is not good, Sarah was also drunk, she felt sorry for him,
and invited him to her flat later that evening. I arrived later in
the evening as arranged. Sarah told me who she had invited round
and why, she said she would phone the man and cancel the
arrangement.
I was very annoyed that Sarah had invited this man to her flat, particularly as he was drunk, particularly, as we had both agreed not to see him at her flat, I was very angry, asked her whether this was another bloke she fancied and wanted to fuck. I threatened to bash her if I get beaten up because of her, asked her if she wanted to continue the relationship. I said she was seriously pissing me off. This angered me for a couple of days. We continued the relationship. I said, do not do anything like this again. This is the first time that I have threatened Sarah with violence.
Sunday. 21ST December. 2008.
I had what appeared to be a cold sore on my penis, however, this sore
had a small white head in the middle. I researched genital herpies,
there is fever and headache. I showed Sarah the swelling, it was just
like a cold sore. Sarah said that she had not had any vaginal pain
or anything like this. I was unhappy, but said I knew the risk, if it
is genital herpies then it was not her fault, I knew the risk. The
swelling disappeared in 10 days, and there has been no such
re:occurrence to January 7TH 2009. We have both decided to get tested
for STI's at the end of January or in February. More psychological
damage.
Wednesday 24TH December. 2008.
Christmas Day. I worked from 8AM until 11AM, then I left to take
cards and gifts to my eldest daughter and grandchildren that live
near me. I chained my push bike to a drain pipe near the front
window, I heard voices as I passed the window, I think the lights
were on. When I knocked on the door there was no reply, the lights
were off, I looked in the window, it was dark, no noise, no people.
This was disappointing, however, this was a small amount of
psychological damage compared to the psychological damage imposed
on me by my daughter and grandchildren as chronicled in these notes
on previous pages.
Sarah, had previously arranged to go to her sisters on Christmas day, this could not be cancelled. I knew this well in advance, I have a pass key to Sarah's flat. I went to her flat with a five hour science DVD that I wanted to watch, I watched 3 hours of this DVD, I also watched a couple of programs on TV, also listened to some music, and read part of a science magazine. I ate a normal lunch, nothing extra or special, I also had a couple of beers. I enjoyed the day. I saw Sarah on Boxing day, we had a good day.
A few days later I called unannounced in the mid afternoon to deliver the cards and presents to my eldest daughter and grandchildren. I saw my Grandson, gave him the presents, when asked what he did on Christmas day he replied usual stuff, had Xmas dinner, he said it's not so exiting now, referring to him now being a teenager. I stayed for about 20 minutes. My Grandaughter telephoned me a few days after this and thanked me for her card and present. My daughter telephoned me on new years eve at 7:30PM and wished me a happy new year. I said I popped round on Christmas day to deliver presents, you were out, she said nothing to this, Interesting.
Saturday. 3RD January. 2009.
My Sister telephoned me at 10-30 AM, My sister worries about me,
she asked if I was using condoms with Sarah, I said yes, I do not
want her to worry about me. She knows that I lie to protect her.
I do not lie in what I write.
I had not had a Christmas meal, I had I suggested to Sarah that we go to a local restaurant for a meal, I would pay, this was Sarah's Christmas present. I told Sarah to get herself dressed up, dress nice, I would be well dressed. Sarah was staying at her sisters this day. I met Sarah at her sisters, She had only just got up from sleeping, she had not washed her hair, her lips were covered in cold sores, she wore a nice dress, she wore dirty white trainers. She looked rough, I was very angry. The anger slowly subdued until we were half way through the meal. At her flat I told Sarah that I was very disappointed at her appearance, and this had made me angry, I told her that I had made the effort, she had not, I told her that she looked a raga, slang, she knows what this means. ( ragamuffin, shabbily clothed child ).
After the meal we returned to Sarah's flat, Sarah informed me that she had vaginal thrush, she always gets this when she drinks heavy. This did not please me, I had taken the condoms out of my back pack that I always carry with me, There were no condoms in her flat because her nephews open them and leave packets in the bedroom. I also considered that perhaps she had screwed another bloke, this could have caused the cold sores, I do not trust her. She had spent some time with her step father Mick the week before. I and her family and one of her carers felt in the past that she was also screwing him. This is very difficult to prove. I reluctantly made love to Sarah, there was no sexual drive for me to orgasm and ejaculate, Sarah repetitively or-gasmed as usual, and was satisfied.
Sunday. 4TH January. 2009.
I went to the boot sale at 9:45AM, and I bought two video's that
Sarah and I could watch. I then went to Ipswich Library and researched
the local paper. The only very dominant but generally very much less
sexual interest, was in newspaper pictures of women. There was no
sexual interest in children. I was pleased with this.
Sarah was staying with her sister, I arranged to collect Sarah at 3PM. I arrived at 3PM, Sarah was not ready, her sister wanted Sarah to help her finish cleaning the house. Her sister and her sisters partner were going to the funeral of her partners mother the next day. I try not to stay in the house because of cigarette smoke, and Sarah's nephews often fight and often these are confrontations with her niece. Her niece cut my hair, she is quite good at it,
While she was cutting my hair I overheard one of the nephews say to his friend, he's a pervert referring to me. I asked the niece if she had heard this? she said no. I said there is no proof, do not mention this to your brother. She told her mother, who questioned her brothers friend, the friend agreed with what was said. The mother told her son off, saying he, referring to me, is not a pervert, I do not have perverts in my house. The mother knows everything about me, and has read the book Surrogate Daughter in 1993. Sarah and I left her sisters house at about 4PM to go to her flat. I was looking forward to cuddling and making love to Sarah.
Note. The nephew is a problem to me, he lived for a while with the man and his girlfriend, the man that became aggressive in Sarah's flat when she was drunk. I am sure that the nephew told this man that I am a pervert. This boy is a problem to me. Sarah and I left her sisters house at about 4PM to go to her flat. I was looking forward to cuddling and making love to Sarah. Before we left, the nephew wanted to come with us making some excuse that he wanted to see a friend.
The boy is an habitual thief has stolen off all members of the family and friends. I said he was not allowed to come with us, Sarah agreed. We talked later about this, the boy knew that I had money in my bag. He also knew that Sarah had a key for her friends house, her friend is in hospital, Sarah is feeding the cat. We agreed that the boy wanted to thieve from Sarah's or my bag. We felt he was also after keys to rob houses. We both agreed that we had made the right decision. I said I would feed the cat, keep her friends key so the boy could not get it when Sarah was asleep. She sleeps on her bag when she stays at her sisters. Both her nephews are habitual liars and thieves.
When we arrived at Sarah's flat I was quite happy, we sat for a while and cuddled, I felt very warm towards Sarah, and I was looking forward to making love to her, I was already quite sexually aroused. I asked Sarah if she wanted a bath, she said yes, I always bathe her washing her hair and her body and clean outside and inside her vagina, outside with a small amount of soap, inside with water only, this is erotic for both of us. I helped Sarah out of the bath and dried her. I then said that I would wash, I stood by the bath and washed my penis, testicles, and anus. I turned round quite quickly, Sarah was holding her ear in a paedophile gesture, she quickly removed her hand.
This has happened many times before sighted by me when I quickly look at her. We have discussed this quite a few times in the past, she knows this is devastating for me. I was angry, told her I was angry, told her we have had this problem before. I said I do not care when other people do this to me, but with her it's different. If she has no respect for me, then give me up. She denied it all again. I said, this is one habit, may be a phobia, that she has to get rid of. I said that I now did not want to make love to her.
I said lets go in the lounge and watch a video, we watched most of a video, I calmed down, I felt sexually aroused, petted with Sarah for a while, then we went to bed and made love for a couple of hours. I awoke in the middle of the night, we made love for another hour, and after sleeping until 9Am we made love for another hour. I did not ejaculate on any occasion, I enjoy getting Sarah to continuous multi- orgasmic climax, and watching her achieve this. I also enjoy the cuddles, the kissing, mutual body massage, and the petting.
Notes.
In sex Sarah puts her head right back, arches back, and really
enjoys having her breasts fondled. orgasm's in the first 30 seconds,
and every minute thereafter, the time between orgasms slowly getting
longer, up to a minute or two between orgasms for up to 2 hours of
sex. She always liked to be touched, I always like to touch Sarah,
I cannot stop touching and massaging her for as long as she wants me
to, she has never told me to stop.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with a good erection, I do not sleep with Sarah because she snores loud. So I go in to the bedroom and wake her up displaying my erect penis saying, does this interest you young lady? she smiles shaking her head in excitement and agreement. alternatively, I sometimes say do you want it up you? massaging my penis in a wanking gesture, she always says yes, I enjoy making love to Sarah.
Monday. 5TH January. 2009.
Sarah had to see her psychiatric nurse and go to the mental hospital
for a review. Sarah has not taken much of her medication recently,
I brought this to the nurses attention.
I feel very good, chest very good, the recent heavy sex sessions with Sarah has been good for my chest and general mental and physical condition. However, I am stressed at the end of the work this day and I had serious heart fibrillation. I am going to have to monitor this. Sarah knows that the psychological damage she has caused me as well as the penis damage she has caused now stops me from ejaculating inside her. I fantasised about her this day and ejaculated in personal masturbation, her recreated body imagery currently does not excite me so much, I concentrated on brain imagery of her face, shoulder, and bra strap, this caused orgasm and ejaculation.
Wednesday. 7TH January. 2009.
Sarah lied to me so she could drink alcohol at her flat, I was not
pleased at the lying. The alcohol consumption I can do little about,
we made love as usual, I did not ejaculate, I had oral sex with Sarah,
she or gasmed to extreme levels. We discussed this and I told her in
sex when a person has very high orgasm's this is because they get are
getting what they want. I said wait until your wedding night,
Sarah wants to get married. Sarah fantasises about me having oral
sex with her and her riding me, she cannot personally masturbate
herself.
Sarah mentally destabilised me this day and often does other days, in concern for her, is she a no hoper? As I try to work out whether our relationship will work. Will she drag me down with her? The relationship with all the problems: is very difficult for me. In the back of my mind, is Sarah going to be faithful to me. The psychological impairment to me last year from Sarah was phenomenal.
Thursday. 8TH January. 2009.
Sarah was going to come to my house for the day, she cancelled, I
telephoned her she was drunk. She had also cancelled her carer.
I feel the root cause is depression, Foggy and dull today,
after Christmas many people are depressed, her best
friend is in hospital. Sarah had a bad argument with her niece
a few days ago. I do not usually see Sarah during the day, some of
her friends are trouble, lack of anti depressant drugs that she
has not taken. loss of her children. Her carers have tried to get
her to go to help centres during the day, she has not responded to
this. Peter Rose was a better match for Sarah, but unfortunately
he was a psychopathic woman beater. The traumatic effect of this,
and the recent break up of this relationship may also be causing
depression.
I do want to marry Sarah, but she has to sort herself out, I e-mailed her psychiatric nurse today to see if naltrexone. injections are the answer.
I saw Sarah at 6:30 P.M. Her niece had given her a black eye, same eye that Rose had blacked a couple of weeks earlier, I was not pleased with this, carers and other people could consider that I had blacked her eye. Sarah had been drinking heavy, and had bought more drink. I was so unhappy, I could not make love to her. in conversation Sarah stated I find life so difficult. This statement was very profound.
Notes.
We had previously discussed that I would put a computer in her flat
and work there during the day giving her company: and possibly getting
cable TV with a music channel. Sarah would like this, and she would
view the music channel a lot. This is a possibility. I do not have
the money to fund this at the moment.
In the back of my mind, I am still concerned that Sarah will be unfaithful to me. We often arrange for her to telephone me and she never does, or her phone is off when I asked her to leave the phone on. This behaviour does not induce trust. I criticised this, I said you are in my head, I think and do things for you, I am obviously not in your head, you always forget to phone me when arranged, and your phone is often switched off when I arrange to phone you.
Resuming the relationship with Sarah has been the major factor in correcting my sexual interests. Sexual interest in children has dropped to a very low level, of course, as stated many times previously, I have no interest in having any sexual contact with children. The last rat poisoning paranoia with Pat my neighbour that lost me 5 weeks work investigating it was never concluded. I could not afford the test for vitamin K deficiency. These events seem to take on a film serial scenario where there is no final solution. A never ending, on going serial.
I am currently venturing in to internet domain buying of names that I create that I feel I might be able to sell at an extreme profit to fund my projects: pay off my credit cards, and get me off the dole. This is high level gambling. For legal reasons I have shut down the mystery-moments.com web site and put the domain up for sale.
The original mystery-moments.com web site is archived at www.archive.org, "The Wayback Machine," as displayed below.
Wednesday. 7TH January. 2009.
I had a slight penis cold sore, I thought this could be genital
herpes, I showed Sarah this, I was concerned about this. This healed
within a couple of days.
Saturday. 10TH January. 2009.
Sarah and I started to kiss and pet on her settee, we both discharged
a lot of genital mucus, we were listening to a love song by Rhianna
that we both like, we had never been so wet before, it was so
beautiful the love between us, so much, that I could not handle it,
I was frightened of such psychological love feelings because Sarah
had hurt me so much before. I told Sarah this, we stopped kissing
and petting, I lost the erection, I could not make love to Sarah.
Monday. 12TH January. 2009.
Sarah phoned me, she said that she could not keep our evening
appointment. I checked the phone number to see where she was phoning
from. It was a David Spiller's number, he is one of her past and I
believe present lovers.
About a week later I spoke to Spiller, I telephoned him. I said have you seen Sarah lately, he said no, I have not seen Sarah for weeks. I said that's odd, Sarah phoned me on your mobile phone on the 12TH, Oh, Yes, he says, I remember I did see Sarah last week. Spiller lied twice on the phone. Spiller is another liar, a smoothie with stealth with women, he caused the same problems with Rose with another of Rose's girlfriends. This is why Rose beat that girl up.
Wednesday. 14TH January. 2009.
By now the genital herpies had turned out worse on my penis, Sarah
had oral sex with me a few days before when she had a bad outbreak
on her lips, I did not think this was transferable, obviously it was.
I showed Sarah the new outbreak, we were both concerned, I had seen
images of very bad genital outbreaks on the internet.
Thursday. 15TH January. 2009.
Sarah and I went to the sex clinic, my penis outbreak had stopped
discharging, a swab could not be taken for examination. The Nurse
however confirmed herpies from the healing scar tissue. Sarah had
bed whetted the night before worried about the infection, and also,
she is in quite a poor mental state from the beatings and abuse
from Mr. Rose. The hospital said the the first herpes outbreak is
always the worst. I was very angry with Sarah this day and shouted
at her before we went to the hospital. From research that I did one
in six people have herpes.
There was sexual testing in the Hospital as always. There was a slight sexual attraction to a pink clad child's white socks aged 5? This has been with me since Hayley wore white socks on one occasion when I saw her with white socks on in 1992. These generated interests stay in the brain, often sub conscious. This is currently much less than it has been in the past.
Friday. 16TH January. 2009.
The usual stitch up in Fore Street post office, with a male back
facing postal worker, I had no sexual interest, however, Janet the
proprietor said yes to the man as she faced him.
Tuesday. 20TH January. 2009.
Things are very bad between Sarah and I. I collected a power drill
speed controller that I was using as a table lamp dimmer in Sarah's
bedroom, I did not want to lose this. I cut up Sarah's door key to
return to her, I did not want her to give this key to any other
person, in case they were criminals. I wrote to her carers to change
the lock barrel in case Rose came out of prison, and had a third key
cut.
Notes.
Sarah's family did not believe the herpies came from her,
these people are stupid. I wrote to the herpies viruses association,
they confirmed that herpies can be transmitted from mouth to genitals,
to show Sarah the letter, I of course have not had other lovers. I
went of my head sending Sarah's sister a nasty letter. I was also
unhappy with Sarah, I sent letters to her neighbours warning them
that Sarah's nephews who visit Sarah at her flat were thieves and
violent. Sarah, her antics, and the antics of her friends and family
had negated one of the neighbours mental states to physical illness.
I also sent a letter to Sarah to try to save her life, she is gaining weight, already fat, cholesterol and diabetes problems. I stated in the letter that she was getting a build up of fat round her neck, jowly, Her nose was getting larger, she was getting ugly. None of this did any good, nothing stops her from over eating, and boozing. I felt remorseful after, and later apologised, stating why I sent the letter.
I remembered at this time, that as an abused child, at the age of 12 I was walking with my father, head down as usual, behind men. My father said keep your head up boy: do not look at men's bottoms. This returned after 1996 with the abuse then: and is still with me at times now.
Hayley and Sarah both like older men, or Hayley did when I met her. Both these women lied to cause me horrendous psychological damage. Sarah's psychological damage was short term, but far worse.
Friday 23RD January. 2009.
The police came to see me in the evening, they were concerned that I
had frightened the neighbours with the letters. They stated from the
letters that they could see that I was caring: but not to send out
any more letters.
Monday. 26TH January. 2009.
Sarah warned by a Social worker to sort herself out, come off the
booze, keep nurse and carers appointments, keep the noise down in
her flat: or she would be placed under care in a home. Sarah finally
had admitted a couple of days before that she was also having sex
with David Spiller. We started to kiss and cuddle and pet in Sarah's
bed, it was so natural and loving, but I could imagine Spiller doing
all the same moves the day before, this put me off, I lost the
erection. I told Sarah this, and said that if I did not love her, I
would have just had sex with her.
Tuesday. 27TH January. 2009.
I sent Sarah a letter to remind her that her daughters birthday is on
the 12TH February, and to get her daughter a present. There was a test
in Fore Street with boy child aged 12? I heard the beeping noise from
a newly installed set of lights near the university college, the
noise attracted me to look, three observers, they laughed, no sexual
interest.
Thursday. 29TH January. 2009.
I telephoned Sarah, no reply, she telephoned me back, she said she was
going to see her sister. The call number was blocked, I could not
check the phone she was calling from. Spiller's phone?
Note.
Is my house bugged, occasionally I have a loud complaining session,
verbally shouting in my workshop when I am alone. About this time,
I was complaining about the harassment
saying such things as Sainsbury's Tesco's, fucking bastards, referring
to the continuous testing an harassment, and saying, fucking bastards,
I hope that I do not go of my head and bash the cunts, referring to
staff. The next day there was a security guard at the local tesco's
when I went in there.
Sunday. 1St February. 2009.
I went to Sainsbury's, in Upper Brook Street, In the last two days
security has been high. After being served, the check out person
presses a button before I leave, the security guard is always not
far away. This day there was an extra security guard, I saw him
when I entered the store. When I left the store, on the pavement
outside was a back facing boy aged 9? This new security guard was
on the other side of the road with a digital camera, presumably, he
photographed me. I did not look at the boy, there was no sexual
interest.
Monday. 9Th February. 2009.
Ipswich Library, Northgate Street. I walked upstairs, as I approached
the reception I was looking down, a teenage girls legs, white socks,
came in to view walking towards me. I looked up briefly looking at
the girl, aged 14? She joined me standing at the side of me as I
spoke to a librarian.
I did not look at the girl. I was attracted to the white socks, different. I still like white socks on teenage girls and Sarah, I still like pony tails at a lessor level. My attraction to white socks started with Hayley in 1992, she wore them once when I was in love with her. Such attractions often never leave, once one is attracted. Further reading in my book, The brain Natures Own Computer.
I went to Sainsbury's near by, as I stood at the check out, I was aware of two push chairs that came to the side of me. I waited a few seconds, was it a test? I briefly looked at the children and then the mothers, both women did not have shopping, these two women then left the store with the children. Yes, definitely a test.
I sent Sarah a letter inviting her out for a meal on my birthday or valentines day. The letter pasted below, The reference to the 12Th my birthday, and Sarah's eldest daughters birthday, Sarah never replied.
From Tony. 12 02 09. A special day for both of us. Valentines meal at our favourite restaurant? Hi, Sarah, I did not think it appropriate to send you a valentines card. To set your mind at rest, you may be confused as to why I turned on you after you were truthful about David Spiller. If I did not love you I just would have screwed you. Spiller does not love you, a few months ago he said you were anybodies when you were drunk. I was angry with you for the amount of times you said you were not screwing Spiller: when you were. This is what made me very angry: together with the stupidity with your family. Your family calling me a pervert wanker and all the rest of it did not annoy me. I am very honest, Told you about blind David, you saw the e-mail, you know David tricked me in to a sexual act when I was mentally low because of our split up after I found out you were screwing Nicki on valentines day a few years ago. You also know from blind Davids e-mail that I will not see him. I have not had any sexual activity with any other person apart from you for 15 years. Still love you quite a bit. I hope my letters made you go on a diet: to save your life. A person will only want to save the life in such a way, only if he/she loves that person. I tried everything else, pleading/crying: you know this. If you want to go out for a meal on Sat/Sun or in the following week to have a chat: talk things over, if you are now going to be honest with me and hopefully other people, I would like to still see you, away from the idiots at your flat. Tony XXXXXXXXXX
Thursday. 12TH February. 2009.
My Birthday. Cards arrived from some relatives, my eldest daughter
telephoned me, she left a voice mail message. I went to see my
eldest daughter, both grandchildren were there. I received cards
from all. I am always weary of testing. My grandaughter brought
me a large present wrapped in brown paper, unusual, my daughter
said brown paper, this was all she had.
My Grandaughter sat with the present on her lap, I looked at it, unusual. I looked for the label, no label, I looked to see if there was writing on top, nothing. I was then aware that I was looking at my grandaughters breasts, they looked smaller, I briefly scrutinised her breasts, they seemed smaller, had she lost weight? I was concerned about this, but never said anything. There was also a CD that I like. I opened the parcel, it was a nice coat, I thanked everyone for the presents, and then left.
Notes.
I felt this was a sexual test test with my grandaughter and family,
a poorly set up test as usual, looking for the label and writing
would have been interpreted as a long ogle at my grandaughters
breasts. This annoyed and disappointed me. My Grandaughter seems
manic, I asked what music she liked, she changed channel and
showed me a pop group she likes, and played me a piece of her
music.
I was concerned that she could have a nervous breakdown, and gave the children a brief lecture as to what a nervous breakdown was and how to recover from it. My Grandson said he was reading Pavlov, I said Pavlov's dogs conditioning, adaptation, re:programing, programing, whatever you want to call it. both grandchildren said they were doing psychology courses. I was pleased with this.
I also stated that with the abuse I had sustained from people over the last 13 years, particularly, women holding their noses, holding their ears, verbal abuse, this had made me look down from peoples faces, and with women settling on their breasts for part sexual interest and comfort. My Grandson retorted rubbish. I never said anything. I then thanked everybody again and left.
For a few days I was angry at the way my eldest daughter had treated me over the last 13 years, the mental damage she had caused me, the mental damage to my grandaughter by the setting up of poor and continuous sexual testing. I was also angry at the poor way she had treated my sister, and had upset my sister very much just before my sister had a heart attack. There were other contributary reasons for my sisters heart attack.
I had decided to return the coat to my and the CD to my daughter and to tell her why I was returning this. This caused me some mental impairment thinking about this for a many days. Three weeks later after my grandaughters birthday, I came to a final decision on this matter, and I decided not to return the presents as relationships were improving.
Friday. 13TH February. 2009. 4:45 PM.
I went to Tesco's near my house, as I approached the check out there
were three women lined up facing me with push chairs, I stopped and
looked at the women confused, the security guard joined me alongside
me, I then looked away from the women and went to the check out
machines.
When I left the store, I assumed this was some sort of confrontation from paranoid women, linked to the two women in Sainsbury's a few days before. The paedophile paranoia in this society is quite something. You never see such women in local black spots on roads displaying boards stating, kill your speed, don't kill our kids. This is because killing kids on the roads is an acceptable part of life in this society.
Saturday. 14TH February. 2009.
Sarah,s picture on my computer desktop looked less attractive to me,
I removed the picture, and put it back a couple of days later.
Sunday. 15TH February. 2009.
I went to the boot sale in the morning. In the afternoon I went to
see Sarah at her flat, she came to the window, we started to talk,
I apologised for being cruel to her explained why. The nephew came
to the window, he said Sarah has a new boyfriend, I said that I
guessed that this would be so, another friend joined the pair at
the window and said we have got company, you cannot come in, Sarah's
new boyfriend is here. I said OK, I will pop back another day, I
then left the area. There was no abuse from the trio at the window.
Tuesday. 17Th February. 2009.
I went down Bishops Hill, at the bottom of Bishops Hill where you
cross Duke Street near Loch Fyne Restaurant, a family came in to
view, there was a boy aged 12? on the left then two women with
push chairs, and a little girl aged 4? on the right. I was not
in a good mode, I thought another test, here we go, always tests
in the area.
I was marching fast, the women were having difficulty crossing, this is a bad place to cross. I immediately thought, if I stop near the girl or the boy, this will be determined as a sexual interest. The parents could say I ogled the kids as they often lie and do this. They could all say I touched a child. A child could touch me collecting my DNA. This is the sort of thinking that I have now adopted.
There was a gap in the fast moving traffic I decided to march straight through, certainly not stopping near this lot. I knew a child could follow me, I did not care about this, I thought fuck you I am off. If a child follows me and gets killed that's your fucking problem. I just did not care.
I marched straight across the road, the boy child ran with me, the mother screamed at him for doing so, and as I walked on without looking back the mother was shouting thank you, thank you, to me, as I marched away. I thought fuck you lot, I just did not care at that moment if the child got killed. I walked on in to Ipswich.
Notes.
Before 1996, when all this silliness started,. I was very caring
and loving then, always helpful. That's all gone, replaced by
something far different. Then, I would have stopped and helped the
children across the road. Then, I would have done anything in my
power to stop a child or adult being hurt. From a caring loving
man, to an angry swearing aggressive uncaring man much of the time.
Up to about a year ago, I was very paranoid about protecting human life, I ran projects to achieve this. In the last 6 months the care and love that I had for people has reduced a lot: this is not surprising with the amount of mental impairment that I have received within this time period from many different people.
In Ipswich as I returned through Tavern Street approaching the Town Hall, I now walk most of the time with my head up. I could see a family in front standing still, a girl back facing, aged 10? long hair, mother and father facing me. They were directly in my line as I was walking towards them. I was not sexually interested in the girl or the family, the man had a camera, I walked past, them, I briefly looked at the man, assessed as a police officer.
Friday. 20TH February. 2009.
As I approached the check out at tesco's there was a back facing
pink clad child, aged 9? Pony Tail. My interests are pony tail:
at a lessor level, pink, interest at a lower level, girl child at a
much lower level. When I spotted this child I immediately looked
away to the right, induced test phobia, I eventually looked back,
the sexual interest in the child, was very low: if not at all.
Three known areas of past interest were used in this test, pink,
pony tail, girl child. Overall sexual interests have dropped
dramatically in the last few months.
Sunday. 22ND February. 2009.
I went to see my eldest daughter about selling her old web site
domains, we said we would split the money, I am hoping to clear my
debts with my half of the money, pay tax and finish up with a bit
of money in the bank. My grandaughter either replied very softly
when I spoke to her, or she did not reply at all, she was on the
computer in the corner as I walked in to the room. I felt this
was because she had thought that I was ogling her when I previously
visited.
Tuesday. 24TH February. 2009.
I had received a letter from the pension service on the 11Th of
February. The letter is pasted below. As you can see, the letter
referred to that their office was going to telephone me to discuss
my business. I was concerned about this, also I felt this was
political, I have many publications pertinent to local government
corruption, and the U.K. government stealth. Was the letter a scam?
What was this all about?
I wrote to the Guardian newspaper about this matter, and sent a copy
to the pension service. I think I have trashed the governments voice
analyses lie detection system that I feel they use in such instance.
My reason for doing this is that, this is from memory, articles that
I have read, that the dole fiddlers account for a loss of 90 million
pounds to the government. Business fiddles through off shore companies
and direct fiddling 90 billion pounds, ( a thousand times greater ),
The government will not tackle the UK off shore fiddling upsetting
big business.
The government has not addressed the bankers robbing banks of millions of pounds in directors fees and incompetence when any other person goes to jail for robbing banks. Chairmen that have robbed banks by taking massive bonuses recklessly destroying their banks and possibly negating this country to bankruptcy later this year or in 2010 should be jailed indefinitely or executed for treasonable behaviour.
Most of the staff at local government and M.P's have fiddles, there is no massive investigation to catch these people. It's the whistle blowers that usually catch these people, the government are trying to stop the whistleblowers.
Bankruptcy
When a country goes bankrupt, it is just the same as a business,
where a business runs out of money and cannot pay it's bills.
The business cannot get credit from suppliers. With a bankrupt
country it runs out of money, it cannot get credit, imports
are stopped, no one wants to supply the country and not be paid.
This is disastrous for the country.
The letter to the Guardian Newspaper is pasted below. I should have stated in this letter: that my homosexual interest manifested itself in 1996. Of course such adaptation is caused by society as chronicled, and how it happened, found further back in this book.
Guardian Newspaper. You will see from the letter appended
below that I have driven a wedge through the governments
practise of using voice analyses software, lie detection
analyses software, used in recorded telephone conversations.
If you agree that this privacy issue should be stopped, will
you please pass this letter on to privacy protection groups
If you want an electronic copy of this letter with live links
please e-mail me at xxxxxx@ntlworld.com for a copy.
P.S. I would like to site data that the government holds on
me regards sexual matters as highlighted in the letter below
If this can be obtained under the F.O.I. act please let me
have a copy that could be to our mutual advantage. A.J.
A.W.JOHNS,
34 BISHOPS HILL, RECORDED DELIVERY
IPSWICH,
SUFFOLK, DW 6947 5357 8GB
IP38EN.
DATED 24 02 2009
REF 1. \09\0918.TXT COPY TO THE EDITOR,
01473 281769
GUARDIAN NEWSPAPERS.
THE PENSION SERVICE.
P.O. BOX 439.
BURNLEY.
BB11 9AA.
Dear, Sirs,
thank you for your letter dated 11 02 09, copy enclosed. The
letter creates a security issue. I and many people do not have
caller display, so if you telephone me I will not know who is
calling.
It will not be long before the scammers are aware that government
offices are telephoning people: and they will be harvesting
information from less astute people.
The letter you sent me, if I were a criminal, I could copy and
send out to people with a different recipients name and address.
Organised crime, data from the many hundreds of government
breaches of computer security, very likely have lists from
government data bases: of intended victims.
Such criminals could glean a wealth of information on the
telephone from less aware people, plus alarmingly, questions like,
do you live alone? If you are having difficulties, can we send
someone to see you to help you? Nice One!
There is no way you can cover this telephoning scenario to make
if a safe issue.
Regards, my own circumstances nothing has changed since last
year, Rent. The rent is still the same, Savings and investments
None. No shares, unit trusts, premium bonds. Housing Costs, no
service charges, presumably you mean charges for maintenance,
no ground rent. Personal or work related pensions, None. Income,
presumably money earned None, last year or now, None.
What I do? Government departments are aware what I do, I manage
several web sites, no profit, I have 6 books published on these
web sites, these are free for people to read, the sites get
quite a lot of hits, three of my sites are listed below.
http://www.anobeisworthless.com
http://www.ipswichswimmingpools.com
http://www.exactpsychology.com
To Continue. Three of the books are pertinent to local government
skulduggery. The other three books are science books, two of
these latter books are soon to be reviewed and updated. There is
also a seventh book that I will soon start to write.
Since 1996, when I assaulted and threatened to kill the leader
of Ipswich Borough council, as published on line, unfortunately,
( I never stuck the boot in to the cretin), I have been
harassed by IBC agents, sexual profilers, principally from the
nearby local college, linked to the police, and other agencies.
This harassment was designed to make me violent, or negate my
mental state, so I needed support from linked mental health
agencies: destroying my credibility. Or Just to drive me to
suicide. Fortunately, I contained the violence. And obviously,
I did not attempt or commit suicide pleasing these people.
There was links to my eldest daughter, a madam shafting most
of the principles of aforesaid agencies, and there was sexual
profiling when I visited her by my grandchildren, this caused
further horrendous mental corruption. I wonder what she got
paid for that? A lot more business?
http://www.rachaelsmysterymoments.co.uk/Rachael.html
All of this is recorded in my book found on the Ipswichswimming
pools site. Titled The Cesspool And The Secret Armies.
I may be registered on government data bases as a pervert. On
your data base? Because of one of my science books, set
against a back drop of IBC skulduggery, published to protect
men that mix socially with highly sexed promiscuous pubesscent
under age teenagers. This book Titled Surrogate Daughter,
found here -
http://www.memetic1.com/book2.htm
Possible further recording as a pervert.
Also, made stupid last year by a woman that has been my girlfriend
for long periods for 5 years. This girl has learning difficulties,
assessed age of 9, assessed when she was in a poor mental state.
My assessment mental age 14. This girl stupefied my brain, made me
hypomanic because I knew she was being unfaithful to me. Made
me so stupid that I published data about our sex life and her
infidelity on the internet to get back at her, the info is still
on the internet, but by mutual agreement her name is changed and
her photograph removed. Book 5, my on line diary, Parts 11-12-13 -
http://www.ipswichswimmingpools.com/5-part11.htm
Possible further recording as a pervert.
Engineered abuse from local adults over the years drove my sexual
interests down to young children, there has been no sexual
offending, there never will be. I have no interest in
sexualising children. The police seized my computers, no porn,
not a bit, and obviously no child porn. Forensic psychologists
have recorded this engineered adaptation to my interest in
different attire colours and hair styles of children, a synopses
of this data and the data above may be on your data base. I am
asking you under the freedom of information act to release this
data to me. I am also asking the Guardian Newspaper to apply
for it on my behalf.
Finally, I feel that I am on the government hit list to make
life difficult for me at all levels: please keep the money
coming. I just get on with my projects sitting behind this
computer day after day. I am trying to earn money, if I do earn
money you will be the first to know. I took out a bit of
insurance against being forcefully carted off to the local
conspiritual mental hospital for some trumped up reason. The
insurance is published here.
http://www.ipswichswimmingpools.com/johns.htm
This letter you are reading: is temporarily published at the
bottom of the page here -
http://www.ipswichswimmingpools.com/5-part13.htm
Note. The hypotheses published below, if it projects to actual
event: it could make me one of most famous scientists remembered
for in this ridiculous time period.
http://www.exact-psychology.com/arm.htm
I thank you,
I am,
Yours Sincerely,
Anthony W. Johns.
P.S. I tried to buy the domain http://www.bankersrwankers.com
but it had already been placed along with -
http://www.bankersarewankers.com
A few days later, I felt remorseful for what I had published about my eldest daughter above, however, what is published cannot be undone, this reflects my anger at the time of the publication.
Interesting.
Usually after such letters as above are sent out we get a visit from
our Prime Minister to Ipswich. Brown visited the local newspaper and
had a meeting with the editor, Brown also visited Ipswich New College,
and presumably, the University close by, as cited in my letter above:
as being a continuous source of harassment to me for years.
The letter above was typed up on the 24TH February posted on the 25TH,
received by the pension service on the 27TH, and our Prime Minister
Gordon Brown came to Ipswich on the 26TH, the day before the letter
was received by the pension service.
Is my computer keyboard bugged by the government services, the letter typed up on the 24TH, or, was my letter opened by Government services on the 25TH? Was Gordon Brown's visit to Ipswich just a coincidence? Was this an unannounced visit? The government special services are very active in this country. The video I watched on the Guardian On line Newspaper on the 8TH of March 2009: was very interesting. The article and the video disappeared off the guardians reference page where it was published within 24 hours. The article can still be read, for how long? However, the video has now been removed and cannot be publicly viewed on the Guardian Newspapers web site.
The Lancashire Evening Post published news about the article, I searched the internet for the video, YouTube - Twitter, Etc. I felt there would be a pirate copy: you cannot hide anything on the Internet, I love the internet for this! However, nothing has shown up yet.
Tuesday 24TH. February. 2009.
I had communicated with Sarah a few days earlier, explained that I
still loved her, I had not been to her flat, I was afraid of violence,
particularly, if people attacked me, and said it was because I had
attacked them first. A stitch up causing a police court case. I had
apologised for my letter to her that upset her a lot. I asked Sarah
if she wanted to go out for the Valentines meal at our favourite
restaurant, she agreed, and I telephoned her, this day 24TH, and I
arranged to see her in town for the meal.
We had a coffee first and a long chat at McDonald's, before we had the meal at a different venue. After the meal we returned to my house, Sarah had sex with the boy she thought was going to be her new boyfriend the Sunday before. He had not returned, Sarah had heard that he had gone back to his previous girlfriend. We, made love, it was strange for both of us, I did not get a really good erection, I explained this, I was angry that she had not waited for me, I said you must have known that I would be back. She replied, well, it's been a month. This was true.
I also stated that it was difficult for me knowing she was still screwing Spiller, she said she had stopped this. I said that I hope the relationship works out with all the difficulties. There was a lot of abuse from her family and friends that night on the telephone for me resuming the relationship with Sarah. One of Sarah's nephews is very mental, he is living with Sarah, He was afraid that I was going to kick him out of the flat now I was back with Sarah, so he tried to commit suicide, took an overdose, admitted to hospital, released later, nice tantrum.
Sarah's niece telephoned me the next day blaming me for the boys behaviour, she wanted me to stop seeing Sarah. I said that I could date who I liked, so could Sarah. Sarah and I had agreed that we were free to date who we liked, she would stay with me and remain faithful. We will see, I hope so.
Wednesday. 25Th February. 2009.
I went to Fore Street Newsagents to collect my magazines, the
proprietor held his ear as usual: indicating paedophile. I was in a
bad mode, angry with Sarah for having sex with another man. I lost
my temper with the shop keeper and threatened him, he came towards me
quick, I quickly went outside the shop, he followed me and banned me
from his shop. Thank goodness for that. Sarah came and saw me in the
afternoon as arranged. Her nephew was abusive and threatening on the
phone to me for seeing Sarah.
Thursday. 26Th February. 2009.
I had taken my laundry to the Orwell Laundrette 180 Felixstowe Road,
Ipswich, on the previous day to be washed and dried. The laundry
was missing, could not be found.
Friday. 27Th February. 2009.
I went to the Laundrette, the washing was still missing, the
lady who I saw was cheeky about my loss, I ignored this and left,
saying I would be back. I did not go back the next day, usually
Saturdays there are youngsters serving. I only want to deal with the
proprietor.
Saturday. 28Th February. 2009.
I met Sarah in town, there was a test with a man, back facing
as I turned round, I failed the test, is it a test syndrome?
coupled to a very slight sexual interest in the man: this has
returned. Sarah came to see me in the afternoon.
I had difficulty making love to Sarah. The perfection of a monogamous relationship has gone, also, Sarah had vaginal thrush, she was too sore to have normal sex so I hand masturbated her, she enjoyed this, I also bathed her, washed her hair and pampered her giving her a good massage after I bathed her, we both enjoyed this. Sarah is under tremendous stress with her family and friends, this relaxed her, we both enjoyed the afternoon.
Sunday. Ist March. 2009.
I went to the boot sale, testing there, no failures, general
sexual interest very low. In the early afternoon I went to Ipswich
Library to do some research. As I walked through Fore Street a
very good looking woman came towards me, good figure, large
breasts, her clothes were not disguising her body. I knew it was
a test, I looked at her as I approached smiling, almost laughing,
she smiled and laughed back.
At the library there was a test with a little boy that came near me, I ignored the boy and all the other tests with men and women. I looked at one white clad woman, I thought she was there to make the numbers up. When the man and the little boy left, he said in a low voice, perfect: to the librarian. There was no sexual interest in any men, slight interest towards the woman.
In the library when I researched the local newspaper, there was information pertinent to the local government funding the local college with a million pounds, ( USD 1.3 million dollars ), was this payment for all the profiling they have done on me, almost daily, for the last 13 years causing phenomenal mental impairment and many to lewd behaviour adaptations that they recorded?
I was annoyed this day, I have been for days. Sarah, still slight annoyance, annoyance with her family, washing gone, the problem with the shop keeper. I cycled faster than normal through an alley that I usually use to get to the Ipswich wet dock front. It is safer to cycle along this dock road.
As I turned left a man aged about 30, with a little boy was walking along the path in front of me, I immediately looked down at the mans bottom, I was attracted to his bottom, I was also attracted to the boy, there may have been a slight sexual attraction to the boy, I do not know, I was videoed by two men nearby. I probably looked down for a one second before looking up again and cycling on. The interest in men's bottoms has returned: all be it at a low level.
Note.
1.
I feel there was a joint addition of interest in the man and the boy,
and their backs. With the psychological damage from men's faces as
chronicled in this book, in the past the attraction to the back of
men's heads caused a phobia, I would look down near the ground when
sighting the backs of men's heads.
2. When I looked down, when sighting the mans bottom which was about the size I was attracted to view when I became to like men and women's bottoms, women more then men to view: which was in 1996, but peaked about three years ago when I was afflicted before. I was attracted to this mans bottom, as I stated, this affliction has not been with me for some time.
3. I feel there was an attraction to the boy, this was very low, far lower than the man. The brain adds together such programs which increases interest, as already chronicled in this book and in my book The brain Natures Own Computer. The above all happened so fast, this was a very cleaver test, all in about a second before I looked right to make sure the road was clear: and cycled off the path in to the road sighting the two men with a video camera.
4. I also feel this was the same scenario as attraction to children in push chairs that I had where I would look at the child first and then the mother, the sexual attraction being the mother. In this case It was sexual attraction to the man with a child, but not sexual attraction to the child. This must be quite a common paternal attraction with homosexual men.
Monday. 2ND March. 2009.
I went to Fore Street Post office to get my pension. The small post
office was full of tall men, all in black quality overcoats, I took
one look at this lot and walked out. Afterwards I considered was this
a Masonic lodge meeting, or were half the Home Office there? Was this
in response to the letter that I sent them last week?
I went to Carr Street post office, the staff always hold their ear when they see me, the Indian man held his ear as usual so I held my nose and said talking as I held my nose saying in does not stink in here, I just have a pain in my nose. Then I started to move my hand in a wanker gesture stating that it was an arthritic problem, I then stopped doing this, and then started it again saying my hand sometimes does this I cannot stop it.
The man then said how much money do you want, I said all of it. I always have all the cash. He gave me the money and the receipt. There was a 60 pounds over payment, this has never happened before, Nice One, there is always retaliation when you upset people, the only way the government can get back at me is to overpay me then claw it back, having taken the money they would assume that I am dishonest.
I took the money because I thought there is probably a letter in the post explaining why, also, I was not in a good mode, today was not the day to sort this out. I have put the sixty pounds to one side and have written to the pension service.
A.W.JOHNS,
34 BISHOPS HILL, RECORDED DELIVERY
IPSWICH,
SUFFOLK, DW 6947 5358 1GB
IP38EN.
DATED 03 03 2009
REF 1. \09\0922.TXT
01473 281769
THE PENSION SERVICE.
P.O. BOX 439.
BURNLEY.
BB11 9AA.
Dear Sirs,
I went to collect my pension yesterday, there was an overpayment
of 60 pounds, which I believe is the married couples rate. I
have put this money to one side in case this is an overpayment.
Please see letter attached that I sent you last week, is the
extra payment compensation for government harassment for the
last 13 years for exposing local corruption? If yes, this is
not enough, the compensation for such harassment should be about
5 million pounds, however, such payments are only fought for by
very greedy people: mostly hierarchical bank staff.
Every corporate I have ever exposed always finds a way to get
back at me, I assume this is an overpayment, and that you are
trying to prove me dishonest by accepting it, this is the
only way you can get back at me.
This letter is published here near the bottom of the page, and
the reason why, when confused, I accepted this payment.
http://www.ipswichswimmingpools.com/5-part13.htm
Please take the payment back next week, as I feel sure this is
just more government skulduggery. AND PLEASE WRITE TO ME
EXPLAINING WHY THIS HAPPENED AT THIS TIME: AND AT NO OTHER TIME
IN THE LAST FEW YEARS.
I thank you,
I am,
Yours Sincerely,
Anthony W. Johns.
ENC. 0918.TXT
Monday. 2ND March. 2009. Continued.
It is my Ipswich grandaughters birthday today, I went to see her with
her card and 15 pounds present, she was happy, also, her boyfriend was
there. I did not look at her breasts, I did not want to, I stayed for
20 minutes, my grandson was the spotter, he said no as he left. A few
days earlier I had the thought to ogle my grandaughter to screw her
head up even more for the amount of amateur testing she had projected
in the past: that had caused me horrendous mental damage.
It has been a bad week, If it had been a good week, I am sure that normally I would not have experienced such thoughts. I am glad that I never further corrupted my grandaughters brain. I got on well with my daughter and everybody else.
Tuesday. 3RD March. 2009.
I received a very late card from my grandchildren in North London,
post marked 2ND March 2009. My birthday was on the 12Th February
2009. Late but pleased to receive it. In e-mail communication with my
youngest daughter, her excuse was she missed the card out when she
sent out the post.
In the afternoon, I went to Fore Street post office to post the letter above, I expected tests. There was a test at Jack White Music shop. 92 Fore Hamlet, with a nine? year old girl that came out of the shop near me and turned towards me, I did not look at her, there was no sexual attraction.
In the post office I ignored the man that was being served, I looked at him as he was about to leave, I knew the man, he is a friend of blind David, the the homosexual with stealth that engineered me in to having oral sex with him, ( As published last year in this book ), and again on this page. I conversed with Colin Mayne for a few minutes, I did not ask about David. Colin approached me to leave, I looked down on the floor, but was attracted to his penis bulge. This has returned, this is disappointing. Colin was involved in some of the sexual testing at David's flat 2006 / 2007.
Wednesday. 4TH March. 2009.
I worked on this page in the morning, I met Sarah in Ipswich. Usual
tests in Sainsbury's. Sarah came to my house for the
afternoon. We made love as usual, we enjoyed each others company.
There are two people living in
her flat, her nephew Sam, and Sandra a friend, they are both
crooks, A key has been copied to one of Sarah's friends flat,
articles have been stolen from this friends flat. Den of thieves,
all low life's. I will not go to Sarah's flat while these people
are there. The authorities want Sarah out of the flat because
there is always noise fights and arguments there upsetting the
very quiet mostly elderly neighbours.
In early February this year I read in the local newspaper that Suffolk mental health services were placing 170 trained psychologists in the Suffolk area now working with mentally ill, mentally impaired people. At last there is a move to stop the handing out of drugs like confetti to any person that comes before the mental health services. In July last year I wrote to the overpaid C.E.O. of Suffolk County Council for backing for my extreme psychology book to help people with mental illness. I also wrote to other principles at SCC for backing for this book. I do not kiss arse, I do not like these people, all the backhanders fiddling and rubbish, cover up's and Spin, ( lies ). However, what they do is also in a great part to the public good. I started my letter with a criticism as always. I did not expect or receive a reply letter.
COPYRIGHT (C)
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
A.W.JOHNS 2008.
A.W.JOHNS,
34 BISHOPS HILL, RECORDED DELIVERY.
IPSWICH,
SUFFOLK, DV 1680 7506 1GB
IP38EN.
DATED 22 07 2008.
REF 1. \08\0866.TXT
C.E.O.
Andrea Hill,
Suffolk County Council Headquarters,
Endeavour House,
8 Russell Road,
Ipswich,
Suffolk,
IP1 2BX.
Dear Madam,
Please refer to the appended letters to Mr. Mike Moran,
To: customer.first@socserv.suffolkcc.gov.uk. It is well known
amongst intelligent people that the mental health care in
Suffolk is inferior to many other areas. Suicide rate high,
numerous coroners criticisms.
I have written a landmark book regards mental illness analyses
that is published here - http://www.exact-psychology.com/
This free e-book if advertised in the New Scientist Magazine
to attract the attention of healthcare psychiatrists and
psychologists will pave the way to dramatic changes in the
psychological advance for the now well known psychological
approach with drugs to help people recover from mental illness.
In my assessment, a thousand pounds investment in advertising
to advertise this book,( New Scientist and other peer reviewed
superior journals will not accept a trash book publication ),
will not only save Suffolk Mental Health Services a lot of
money: far in excess of any tax deductible expenditure,
nationally, internationally, this expenditure will be
infinitesimal in relation to the return on psychological health
care advance.
If you would like me to attend a meeting to see how we can take
this important project forward: or you are happy to fund this
project please advise.
To the positive, I have recently visited my girlfriend Miss
XXXXX XXXXX at bungalow 4 Walkers close, St. Clements Mental
hospital. I been with Sarah for most of the time in 5 years.
I found your unit annexed to this hospital very professionally
run, happy atmosphere, friendly staff, spotlessly clean, I
was very pleased with what I saw. I thank you!
I am,
Yours Sincerely,
Anthony W. Johns.
Notes.
Re: The incident in a very angry mental state on the 17TH of February,
now I am less annoyed, where a child could have been killed by my
actions: I now find this very alarming and disappointing. Had this
child been killed this would have been very detrimental to my mental
state, possibly to the end of my life.. Nothing new in this part 13
section since mid January, same old crap, in a negated mental state
the lewd behaviour has returned. Not seeing Sarah for some time, a lot
of hassle in shops, on streets, also, with Sarah's stupid friends and
family.
The continuous sexual testing does not help recovery to rescind sexual interest. The ability to analyse sexual testing every day as it happens does not allow for mental stability, very negative. I had thoughts of unlawful retribution against Fore Street Newsagents, I decided against it. A very unstable time period from Mid January has again returned homosexual interests. ( All be it at a low level ). This I reiterate, I have no desire for child or male sexual activity.
Most of Sarah's friends are thieves and liars, her nephews, one boy is in prison for violence against his sister, the other boy is violent extremely childish and mental, a psychopath that, threatens people with knives, he held a knife recently to Sarah's throat because he thought he would be removed from her flat. Sarah is very gullable and vulnerable, and taken advantage of by most people she is in contact with, comes in contact with.
Sarah is definitely a child and sexually a woman, very much a woman sexually. She is mischievous, often to her detriment, she rubs her hands together with glee at the thoughts of certain foods, good sex, good booze. Very unusual. Being thrust from the rear vaginally fast and hard repeated every 700 milliseconds causes her to orgasm every thrust. She describes this as a fantastic explosion that goes right through her body. Today 05 03 09, as I think of her my thoughts are warm, although she is a lot of trouble. I still love her.
I feel that my eldest daughter was advised how to destroy my mostly normal mental state from 1996 as fully chronicled in this book. Advised by a police officer. Whether she was fully aware of the damage she was doing causing me to be sexually interested in my grandchildren, and other children, I doubt this.
She was duped to engineer me in to paedophile behaviour, or attack her for me knowing what she was doing. The family was expendable, the aim was to discredit me. It did not matter if I sexualised my grandchildren because of the induced mental corruption, they were expendable. The authorities wanted me and my credibility destroyed. They knew that I would write and publish books about Ipswich Borough Council. Was it worth the psychological damage to my grandaughter? The authorities will think yes, all they wanted was me discredited, preferably destroyed.
Sexual drive has reduced for many reasons,
1. General retaliation against people has caused me to be less loving towards people decreasing sex drive.
2. Looking at people to see if it is a test increased sexual drive. I now do not look at many people.
3. Not looking at many black and pink clad people has reduced drive in these colours.
4. A lot of mental corruption from Sarah has reduced some of the sex drive towards women.
5. I blank out most people as I walk, apart from many women. Blanking out people: this seems to make them transparent, reducing sex drive.
It is interesting that the above is the reverse to a certain extent of the instance that brought about sexual interest in all people at all ages some time ago. When I type up notes of sexual interests, this recreates sexual interests when I type recalled for these past sightings. I do not think that this is a good thing: it re:enforces memory of colours and psychology that I want to blank out.
Overall sexual interests have dropped in my assessment by 70% reduced by not looking at people. White is slightly more attractive as I have been reducing sexual interests in pink and black clad people. Sexual interest in Sarah has declined, as I am now sharing her sexually with David Spiller. This has spoilt the perfection of a monogamous relationship. I do not fantasise about Sarah so much now when I am away from her.
In my assessment, the current sexual interests are,
Female children aged 8 to 12 - 10%
Still slight attraction to pink.
Male children 7 to 12- 10%
Dark colours more than light
Men - 15%
Women - 65%
I do not want sex with men or children.
Neither does men or children make me sexually fantasise about them.
Looking at the pictures below today, 06 03 09, I find that I am
attracted to both women at a level estimated at 50 per cent lower
than 24 11 08. When first sighted, the woman on the right caught my
attraction first but after looking at both images and scrutinising
them: the young woman on the left became the major attraction.
There are three small pictures on my desktop, Sarah, Britney Spears,
Angelina Jolie. all women fully clothed, no provocative poses. The
sexual attraction has dropped for all three women by about the
percentage as chronicled above. I did go off Sarah for a while
when we were having a bad time, but the interest has come back.
|
|