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Copyright (C) Anthony William Johns. Years 2002 To 2008.
34 Bishops Hill. Ipswich. Suffolk. IP3 8EN.
The next few pages of text are a log of the continuation of the
harassment and sexual testing from students and principles
from, Ipswich University Campus, also known as, University
Campus Suffolk, Suffolk University College, Suffolk New College,
Suffolk College. These profilers,
sexual psychological profilers, that are ever present in the
life of Anthony Johns, the author of this internet
site. This daily profiling has been going on for 12 years as
chronicled in previous parts of this book: that highlights the
fast adaptations of sexual interests of the authors brain by
the analyses of this harassing profiling in this 12 year
recorded time period.
Further sexual adaptations of the authors brain are chronicled in this Part 12 of this book, induced by his girlfriend Sarah her extreme cruelty to the the author, Anthony Johns, ( Scientist ) and further adaptation of sexual interests by this cruelty, abuse, and the on going harassment, further abuse, of the ever present sexual profilers. If you do not understand sexual profiling, and the fast adaptation, caused by this by the victims analyses of this profiling, you need to read all of this page and the notes. The log, the chronicle of testing continues from now on up to August 2008.
Wednesday 2ND April 2008.
Still concerned at being poisoned by rat poison last year and
something different this year, could a person get in to my
kitchen? I checked all the windows in the kitchen, and there
was one locked window that I could open with a piece of wire
from outside, It only took me ten minutes to do this, I had
never done this before.
Whether an expert could open and close this window in the same manner or less time is an enigma to me. My sugar bowl is within easy arms reach of this open window. I have an expert in such practise that is going to come and see me: to see if he can easily open and close this kitchen window. I screwed the window up so it could not be opened.
Tuesday 8Th April 2008. 6:45PM.
I went to see Sarah, as I cycled to the end of Gippeswyk avenue,
near Gippeswyk Park, near the bend approaching Hawthorn Drive.
There was a large white van parked on the edge of the road on the
left hand side. The rear windows were white painted out. The
hazard lights were flashing. I suspected that this could be a
police van.
As I approached, there was the usual black leg stuck out of a car in a garden near by, I was very wary, I am very wary of now being attacked in this area, I looked at the open door car, and looked at the van I was concerned at a person suddenly appearing and attacking me.
When I arrived at Chantry High school gates in Mallard Way there was a another white van parked near the school gates, the windows were also white painted. There was football noise from the playground, I briefly looked, I wanted to know what was going on? A black clad boy walked out of the school, and leaned in the white van passenger door bent over at a right angle,
I scrutinised the school gates as I approached in case other people came out of these gates, I also scrutinised the van, I half expected other people to get out of the van, they could attack me. This is how wary and paranoid this sexual testing can get a victim. However, I still felt that this was the police, and the vehicles were probably bristling with cameras that were also behind the white windows. I was not sexually interested in the leg out of the car or the children at the school.
Wednesday 9Th April 2008. 10am.
I left Sarah's and went to Sainsbury's in Upper Brook St. As I
left the the store I was close up photographed by a very tall
black clad man outside the store. This I felt was the police
officer who has been a nuisance to me for years, I doubt he has
as much neural capability as a nematode worm, however, I feel
that he is just a parasitic as 15,000 of the species.
Thursday 10Th April 2008. 4PM.
I went to see Sarah, there were some shabby big blokes near
chantry school and the usual black clad boy near the gate.
This was as expected, the police and the boy had published the
event that happened two days ago. As I approached a school girl
asked for money, I shook my head, meaning no chance, I cycled on
to Sarah's without incident. I had arranged to see Sarah at 4pm.
Sarah was not at home, and she did not return home that night.
Saturday 12Th April 2008.
Stupid test in Maplin's Shop in Ipswich town, mid afternoon. An
alarm went off near me, I looked to see what it was to confront
a black clad man bending over, there was no sexual interest. 8PM.
I went to see Sarah, I cycled to the docks, on the path in front
of me was a tall Indian man, his wife, and pink clad small child.
I looked at the man with contempt. I cycled through the docks
expecting a further test. As I approached the Customs House there
were two taxis, when I got near them a few young women, short
skirts, sexy, very attractive, got out of the taxis. I treated
the whole incident with contempt, bloody tests, and did not look
at any of them.
Thursday 17Th April 2008. 4:10PM.
I went to see DR. Jones My G.P. with Sarah. We discussed my
investigation in to my poisoning and what Sarah had witnessed.
Dr. Jones was not very sympathetic, and he was impertinent, and
wanted me to have a Community Psychiatric Nurse. I said no way,
those people are not messing with my head. Dr. Jones said nobody
is trying to poison you, and was rather insistant that I sought
psychiatric help. He stated you are very paranoid.
I then stated the council leader that I credibility destroyed eleven years ago along with his CEO, the local council leader: the council leaders wife was a local G.P. I then stated that Dr. Jones could be in bed with the council leaders wife, my implication was conspiratorial. I said you would be concerned in such circumstance. Doctors can get you interned. Dr. Jones then stated, "my patience has finally run out Mr. Johns." My girlfriend could not stop laughing loudly, I shook Dr. Jones hand, and said, "thank you", and I left the surgery still laughing with my girlfriend who was also laughing. I did write to Dr. Jones: and apologise for my behaviour about a month later.
This next part updated The above incident depressed me for a few days, I wanted to talk to my Mum, she Has been dead for 10 years, I have never wanted to talk to my Mum since her death. I have no spiritual belief, Mum is just a corpse, Mum is no more, nothing, just distributing atomic material through a trillion galaxies. No point in going to see the grave, I have not been to the grave since the funeral. Mum is just a happy memory that will die with me and my sister. Mum, a person that I got along with very well. I was ill with influenza Monday to Thursday this week, but carried on working: got to keep going.
Saturday 19Th April 2008. 8PM.
On the way to Sarah's I cycled through the docks, different
taxis this time, A wedding, two wedding cars, two black clad slim
women 25? walked towards me, I looked, they were worth looking at,
Sarah, and I had a very bad week, Sarah is drinking heavy, I now
did not want to marry her, my mind flips on this. I did not want
to look at the bride and groom, the back drop for the photography
was the old custom house. I ignored them, and cycled past. Had I
have took interest, I probably would have been recorded at being
more interested in the grooms bottom.
Tuesday 22ND April 2008.
I went to Ipswich hospital with Sarah for Sarah to have her teeth
examined for an operation. There were several tests there
including by my assessment lies by professionals. As we left
there was a bendover test near the reception, I ignored it, a
woman in reception said we need to get the superglue, presumably
to fix my neck in the upright position that it was. Sarah and I
laughed about this, she had understood the meaning of the joke.
A nice lady showed us to the cafeteria, I was coughing, I stated this is not viral, this is emphysema, when I stopped coughing the woman said we are nearly there, we were not far from the cafeteria. A similar situation had happened a few days ago, I explained to Sarah the nearly there could be a reference to my failing health. We both laughed about this.
Friday 25Th April 2008.
I went to Offord newsagents,
Offord newsagents 134 Fore Street Ipswich IP3 8JU. Mrs. Patel
served me. There has been phenomenal psychological damage from the
Patel's in the last few years from sexual testing in this shop
by Ipswich University Campus, Suffolk College, the building is
very near. The Patel's usually hold their noses and ears as I
look at them. When my eyes dropped down from Mrs Patel's face that
I did not want to look at: to receive more mental impairment, her
daughter put her arm up. I immediately held my nose. When I
politely said goodbye, she did not reply.
I have complained to the Patel's on several occasions about the sexual testing from the nearby college that has gone on in their shop, and the continuous offensive gestures that the Patel's make to me.
Notes.
The Hard Head. As I have described in the past, my head gets hard
like a football. the temples hurt, pins and needles over the top
and sides of the head. I thought that this was psychopathy. I
have now realised that this is stress. This usually goes after an
hour or two's rest. Note. later on in this text this was found
to be sinusitis.
After publishing part 10 and part 11 of this book in March 2008, I stopped looking at most of the people, men, women, female children, colours this is now coming back. I blanked out women mostly. By late April this has caused fast adaptation to a slight sexual interest, or general interest in boy children to start, not their bottoms.
Sunday 27Th April 2008.
I went to the Portman Road boot sale, I was attracted to a
good looking boy aged about 12, the spotters were badly dressed
low life ethnics, they moved their arms when I looked, an
aggressive white man aged about 30 said we will bash him. I will
not be the first person to be attacked for an induced mental
impairment.
I have always discussed everything with my girlfriend, she has been made aware of my sexual history, is fully aware of all the detail in previous parts of this book, I told my girlfriend of my recent sexual attraction to boys, and how it happened. I told her what had happened at the boot sale, I told her that I am going to start looking at women again, to see if this stops the sexual interest in boys. We watched television, the sexual attraction to female children had dropped, I told my girlfriend of this: and that I was pleased with this event.
Further Notation
I have tried to re-assess the percentages of attraction to adults
and children again. Recently I have blanked out women, however,
most women currently are black clad and if I re-introduce looking
at all women this is possibly going to increase the interest in
the general colour black on all sexes and ages. So as of 08-May-
2008 I try to select an even percentage of black clad and other
colour clad women. I have been blanking out looking at teenage
girls and together with the blanking out of women generally
this I feel caused the current increased attraction to teenage
boys.
In the displayed pictures below that I have looked at at about
two week intervals for a few weeks to check sexual interests, the
tanned large breasted woman model creates a much higher interest
upon sighting than the slightly less tanned teenage girl.
However, which ever image I look at first decreases the interest
when switching to the other image. Over the years when I have
forced myself to look at one or the other of these images once a
day to see if interests change, the sexual interest increases for
the image that I have decided to look at again and again and
decreases for the other image. In my assessment the overall
sexual interest in the adult woman image over a couple of months
of equal sighting is at least double the sexual interest generated
by the teenage girl.
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Resume.
Prior to 1991 when I had my television rental business, there
were often teenage female children that were attracted to me
when I called at customers houses. Often these children
would follow me out to my car and talk to me. This caused an
increase in sexual interest to develop. Another man that has no
experience of this would not develop such a level of interest.
Of course some of these children were physically well developed,
not virgins and were enjoying sexual activity.
In 1992, single, mixing in sport with such children increased the interest when I was offered sex: and I of course fell in love with Hayley Coyne that I wanted as a prodigy, surrogate daughter, and lover.
In 1996 My eldest daughter along with others made sexual gestures to me destroying all prohibitive sexual interest map barriers adapting my sexual interests to all ages, all sexes, all colours, in fact, anything that moved. However, I controlled it: I did not want sexual activity with any person.
My highly investigative brain with the, "is it a test syndrome", where I looked at nearly every person to see if it was a test, I feel looking at these people increased sexual drive further with interest for all people. Then when the serious abuse started verbal, and gesture, people holding noses, holding ear lobes to indicate paedophile interest, this drove the increased sexual interests away from adults and down to children, this was a dramatic sexual increase in children that developed whilst adult sexual interest decreased. Again, I did not want sexual contact, neither did this cause fantasy masturbation from visualised child imagery.
Notes.That which is recently very pleasing is that the prioritised sexual interest in children in attire colours, hair colours and styles, skin colours, that started by my abuse in 1996 / 97 and thereafter is now almost gone. When I now look at groups of happy children in the newspaper, this now makes me happy, I often smile, I am glad that this behaviour has now returned. Before 1996, I used to enjoy looking at children that were happily enjoying themselves, and before 1996 there was no sexual interest.
I am not going to make a preoccupation of looking at such children imagery for assessment purposes, as I feel this will change the interest possibly back to a sexual interest that I do not want. There was no interest in entering in to sexual behaviour with children that I have seen over the years, and this did not cause masturbation unless sexually provoked by the child. I term this sexual interest as "non criminal sexual interest" because there is no criminal intent or subsequent sought after criminal activity. Without criminal intent or activity, then if such a person has such an interest in children then this I term as stated above as an "induced mental impairment", or an "induced mental disorder".
Note.
This chronicle so far was last updated and published 13Th May
2008. This chronicle is again updated to mid August 2008.
Sarah has caused me considerable mental impairment since January
2008, so much that I now cannot sleep at all without
medication. Her behaviour has made me ill. However, I carried
on seeing Sarah when I could, I still loved her, although, at
a reducing level from mid June 2008.
Also, this year I have been working on many web sites at once, having sometimes three pages open and switching between pages copying and pasting from and to pages in Kate my text only web designers word processor, this is not wysiwyg you also have to hand design and hand code the pages. In previous years I have had long term projects, single projects, that offered me greater mental stability. There has also been other stressful event this year fighting corporates that endanger life, you have to fight on the internet with e-mails: and by letter post, with recorded delivery letters.
Tuesday 29Th April 2008.
Sarah let me down again, Sarah did not turn up at my house as
arranged at 4PM, Sarah had gone to her sisters. I looked forward
to seeing Sarah, this made me very depressed. I had no evidence
that Sarah had gone to her sisters, I was beginning to get very
concerned that Sarah was being unfaithful to me.
Monday 5Th May 2008. Bank Holiday.
Sarah and I had arranged to go out for the day, Sarah had lost
her bus pass, we could not go out, this made me depressed.
Wednesday 7Th May 2008.
Sarah and I were going to Lowestoft for the day, I was really
looking forward to this, I left
Sarah's Flat at 9:27 AM to return home, I had a Grocery delivery
between 10AM and 12PM, so I had to be at my house for this
delivery. Sarah was coming to my house at 12AM I had some bills
of Sarah's, I was handling her finances, these bills had to be
paid, they were overdue. This was the third time I had got these
bills ready for Sarah to see, there were letters to sign. I
waited until 1PM, Sarah had not arrived.
I picked up the phone, to telephone Sarah, she had left a message at 9:30AM, Three minutes after I had left her flat saying she was cancelling, she had something else to do. I telephoned her, she said that she had forgotten that she had a meal in the afternoon with Sue Elen her Friend, and Alex her carer. This was later confirmed by Alex her Carer.
I blamed Sarah, she knows that I do not often check the phone for left messages. I generally leave checking the phone until later in the day. Alex said, you always blame Sarah, I did not reply to this. Also, Sarah has a habit of always putting her friends before me for appointments. You do not do this if you love your boyfriend.
Friday 9Th May 2008.
I saw Alex at Sarah's flat at 9AM. I handed the overdue bills to
Alex and said, Alex, you are a star, you can look after Sarah's
bills from now on. Three times I have tried to pay these bills,
Sarah has let me down, not kept appointments, they are all
yours now.
Notes.
As of 08-May-2008. I am still attracted to the colour pink on
attire now at a lesser level than a few weeks ago, because I
have been blanking out the colour pink, and blanking out pink
clad children. A further assessment test that I use is to
look at groups of children in the local newspaper when I
research the paper for local news items for colour preferences,
and sexual interests levels to check for brain adaptation.
Tuesday 20Th May 2008.
I left Sarah's flat to return home, at 9:15 AM as I cycled
through Ipswich docks there was a tall man black clad
he had his fingers in his mouth, I briefly looked, was it a
test, a man
close by said did you get that? He must have been referring
to a camera shot of the event. There was another black clad
man further, on bent over, I ignored this. There was another
back facing test black clad man in the entrance to Myrtle
Road near my house, I ignored this.
Thursday 22ND May 2008.
Two tests, men with shorts, this day on the docks and
Christchurch Park, I ignored these tests. As I walked down
Bishops Hill later in the day there was a child's woolly
pink top on the bus shelter seat, I was attracted to this,
it was unusual, who would leave a top there, was It a test? I
looked, I was photographed, the woman walked away to a nearby
flat.
Sunday 25TH May 2008.
At 4PM I walked down Bishops Hill to walk in to Ipswich Town
centre, at the bus stop near Myrtle road, there were two
black clad children, and two adults in their early twenties,
they were all poorly dressed. The children were facing me,
the man was back facing me, the woman was front facing me,
I could see this without looking as I approached them. As
I passed the woman said he looked at the kids, I had not
looked at any person, this concerned me very much. This
lying at tests close to my home in a rough area: is a great
concern to me.
Monday 26TH May 2008.
I only slept 3 hours the night before, brain overload, Sarah,
projects, anxiety, isolation. No prime time any more,
continuous daily sexual testing to harass me.
Wednesday 28TH May 2008.
I only slept 3 hours the night before.
Thursday 29TH May 2008.
I only slept 3 hours the night before.
Friday 30TH May 2008.
I only slept 3 hours the night before.
Monday 2ND June 2008.
Sleep 5 Hours, very stressed.
Friday 6TH June 2008.
Very low background noise now that is ever present in my head
lately starts
to increase, this is a whistle at about 1 kilohertz, amplified
by my current mental negation.
Sunday 8TH June 2008.
I was losing sleep, only a few hours per night, I was suffering
from severe anxiety.
My heart had started to fibrilate, bad yesterday, not quite so
bad today, I went to Riverside NHS Clinic, the Doctor there
prescribed Valium 2MG two tablets a day. This cured the problem,
this was anxiety over Sarah and other matters.
Monday 9TH June 2008.
9 AM. I was at Sarah's flat Sue-Elen and another of Sarah's,
friends Sandra was there. From memory the question came up as
to why I went out with Sarah, I said that I love her, the deal
is I will stay with her as long as she is faithful. Sue-Elen
and Sandra looked at each other and then back to me, I thought,
oh dear: I do have a problem with Sarah.
I then remembered a few months earlier when I thought Sarah would be unfaithful because the relationship was not working out very well I had said to her, I do not mind you having other boyfriends as long as you keep me as well, I love you, I do not want to lose you. What I expected was that if Sarah had another lover that she would tell me, and I would wear condoms and there would be no oral sex to her from me. This never happened.
Monday 16TH June 2008.
I went to the Ipswich Hospital to have an STI test Sexually
Transmitted Infections. I explained to DR. King my concerns that
Sarah and I had come to the clinic earlier in the year, and I
felt that Sarah had been unfaithful, she had quickly developed
cysts on her labia's: and at the time I had been told that Sarah
had sex with someone else. I felt if there was an STI the STI
had not had time to incubate for the test at that time, I was
unwell now, this could be an STI.
I was given a blood test and urine test, the urine test was OK, the blood test was a fail, N.S.U. Non Specific Urethritis. I told Dr. King that I had not been with anybody else, she asked why do you go out with Sarah? I replied Sarah has learning difficulties, her mental age is supposed to be nine years of age, she acts older. She is two people, person one is a fun loving child, with a fantastic sense of silly exitable humour that I love. Person 2. Is a woman, she is certainly all woman in respect of our love life. I thanked Dr. King for the analyses, thanked the head nurse, male, who had taken the blood test, and I promptly left the clinic.
Notes. Over the last few months, I had told Sarah that she had made me ill, several times I cried on the phone when talking to her, she had ripped my head apart.
Wednesday 18TH June 2008.
Sarah and I made love today for the last time. I wore a
condom, no oral sex, I now did not trust Sarah. Sarah
blushed, went very red, I now knew that she had another
lover, she blushes on the two timing of this lover.
Sarah was not so sexually satisfied as she used to be, she
said she was not well. Was this another lie? or had she gone
off me? I think that it was both.
When we laid on our sides, facing each other, when I was lightly massaging her breasts, and all of the top half of her body, every few seconds she would touch my chest saying "Oh" every time she touched me, this was new, I realised that she knew that she had hurt me badly, and this had caused her to do this. She was sorry that she had hurt me.
Tuesday 24TH June 2008.
I took Sarah to Trotman Court, a health centre, still woman's
problems, vaginal bleeding at times, heavy, throughout her
monthly cycle. Sarah had a hormone coil fitted to see if
this would stop the problem, I held her hand and stayed with
her, This did not correct the problem, six weeks later she
was told that she would need a hysterectomy operation.
Monday 30TH June 2008.
I arranged to see Sarah at 5PM. Sarah was eager to see me, I
was looking forward to seeing Sarah holding her and making
love to her. At four 4.PM Sarah telephoned
me and said don't come to the flat tony, Mick her stepfather
was there, and he was being a pr, she hesitated on calling Mick
a pratt and said plonker. Sarah hardly ever swears, I have never
heard her use foul language, Sarah said she was going to the
flat and told me not to come there.
I left my house and went to see one of Sarah's disabled friends Chris, Sue-Elens ex Boyfriend to find out was what was happening. Chris said that Sarah had gone to Sue-Elens, Mick had been a problem. Chris has learning difficulties, I was told Chris had a mental age of five, however Chris, has a good sense of Humour. Many of these people with learning difficulties have a good sense of humour. However, humour is a personal taste appreciation.
I went to see Sue-Elen, Sue-Elen reluctantly answered the door, Sarah was there, They were both very drunk. Sue-Elen was having problems with her new boyfriend and had been drinking heavy lately. Sue-Elen said she had let Mick in to the flat that afternoon, Mick was drunk, he had upset her, he had threatened to throw her down the stairs again, but worse, he wanted her to go in to the bedroom for sex.
Sue-Elen was very frightened, Mick knew where she lived. She was very worried about this. I stayed until about 9 PM. There was no room to sleep in Sue-Elens flat, I also thought that this was inappropriate. Then I left the flat and went and stayed at Sarah's flat overnight. Sarah and Sue-Elen arrived early at about 7.30 AM the next day.
We discussed the matter, and decided to tell the carer all this when she arrived at the flat at 9 AM. At 8:30AM Sandra a friend of Sarah's arrived, and Mick walked in behind Sandra, I stopped him, I knew all hell would break loose if Mick went upstairs and in to the flat. I said to Mick stay where you are, I shouted to the girls upstairs, do you want Mick in, they said no, I shouted to Sarah, she is the tenant, it is her flat, do you want Mick to come in? she said no.
Mick said, "you are not stopping me seeing my daughter" and walked towards me, I was above him on the stairs, I kicked him hard in the chest, not hard enough to drop him, and very quickly put him on the other side of the front door and closed it. The carer arrived a few minutes later and the whole matter was discussed, I recorded notes of the statements. I returned home and typed up the notes on my computer verbatim. I then e-mailed the details of the incident to the carers head office.
In the evening a relative of the Elleston family came to see me, my neighbour Pat saw him pass her window. he looked aggressive, pat telephoned me, I said it's probably one of my girlfriends family, there has been a problem: can you get rid of him. Pat went and saw Eddy, he was aggressive, Pat told him I was not at home and he left.
I was arrested a few days later on a Grievous Bodily Harm charge, when the police saw a copy of the e-mail that I had sent to the carers that I had prepared in case I was arrested, the charge was dropped to common assault. I was cautioned for the offence, no court case, no fine, and I was allowed to return home.
Wednesday 16TH July 2008.
About this time my brain was stabilising, Sarah and the paranoia
of being poisoned had made me ill over the last six months.
in February was fighting three corporate legal departments, I
was ill, I Thought that I had been poisoned, I upset so many
people. My Eldest daughter was in hospital with kidneys failure
due to a severe infection. My Thoughts return to my birthday,
February 12TH, this was a mess, a disaster, a gas leak at my
house, this had to be fixed, I wanted to see Sarah all day
this day.
I thought about my birthday, Sarah drunk, I refused to make love to her, she said I did not love her. I called her a cunt and I left her flat. Then I realised, Sarah was drunk because it was her daughters birthday as well this day. Her daughter is fostered, aged 15 Today. I broke down and cried when I realised this. This was why Sarah was so drunk, I telephoned Sarah, I explained what I had realised and I cried on the phone to her. I said that I was very sorry for my behaviour, there was so much happening at the time for me to realise why she was so drunk, and why she wanted me to love her so much.
Over the last few weeks Sarah has been drinking alcohol very heavily. Sarah stopped taking her medication so she could drink more with the knowledge that the medication and the drink could kill her. Her Friend Sue-Elen has problems with her new boyfriend, Sue-Elen and Sarah were drinking heavily together most nights. I had warned Sarah on repeated occasions in the past that heavy drinking would trigger her schizophrenia, and she would be in serious trouble, nasty delusions, back in the mental hospital.
Wednesday 16TH July 2008.
Sarah had a party at her flat with friends, she got very
drunk, paralytic. She then had very serious synchronised
audible and visual hallucinations that where of the
nightmare type, this would not stop and she was wriggling
around on the floor screaming. Her sister arrived at this
time and broke up the party, she took Sarah to the doctors.
and then on by referral
to the mental hospital. I found all this out on Friday
the 18TH. Friends kept me informed as to what was happening.
Saturday 19TH 2008.
I went to the mental hospital to see Sarah, I took a bunch
of roses for her. Sarah was stable,
and talking fluently, we talked for a while, I was happy that
she was allright, and did not appear to be affected mentally
by her hallucination experience.
Sunday 20Th July 2008.
Very concerned about Sarah I telephoned a few local stores
to see if I could get Sarah a portable CD Player. I obtained
such a player within my limited budget, and some nail
varnish, two love song CD's and a card. I wrote in the card,
that I hope that she soon recovered and other details, and at
the bottom of the card I wrote. I loved you enough to want to
marry you, I loved you too too much to watch you kill yourself
with alcohol.
I took these items to the mental hospital, Sarah had her quota of visitors, so I handed the items to a member of staff to give to Sarah. Sarah telephoned me at 5-30PM, we talked for a while, she was delighted with the CD player and the gifts, Sarah said that she wanted to see me, she would ask Alex her principal carer to bring her to see me on the following Wednesday. I Told Sarah that I now knew that I would write a book about us. I started this book about this time.
Monday 21ST July 2008.
I went to the mental hospital to see Sarah, She had gone for a
walk with her mother, I said that I was pleased, I knew that
she wanted to see her mother.
Tuesday 22ND July 2008.
I called at the hospital to see Sarah. A nurse returned all the
gifts. The nurse said that Sarah was very tired, and was not
seeing any people this day.
Thursday 24TH July 2008.
A friend of mine came to see Me, Victor from Bury St Edmund's,
I had e-mailed Victor a picture of Sarah that I like, he was
going to do me a couple of framed copies of the picture for
Sarah to send to her children, He brought one picture that
was framed. I was pleased with this, the next day I hung the
picture on the wall in my lounge with my family photos
Victor is a homosexual, I have known this for a long time. I have never entered in to any homosexual acts with Victor. Victor said that he had finished with his long term boyfriend, the boyfriend was too much hassle. We discussed Sarah, I said it looked as though the relationship with Sarah would finish.
I explained when I proposed marriage to Sarah and that I had told her that I had entered in to oral sex with David a friend, Victor replied " well that's nothing". I replied that his ex boyfriend had told his own family that he was a homosexual: and that the family had disowned him. I said a disclosure of homosexuality affects people differently, some dramatically, and that my disclosure to Sarah had a very bad effect on her: and had put her off me at the time.
Friday 25TH July 2008.
I telephoned Sarah at 8:30PM after visiting time, Sarah
blocked the call, switched her mobile phone off. I kept
in contact with Sarah's friends, Sue-Elen and Chris, to
keep an update as to Sarah's progress.
Sunday 27TH July 2008.
I went to the boot sale at Portman Road Ipswich, I
bought a Martine McCutcheon Love songs CD.for one GB pound.
CD Title You Me And Us,
Sarah had introduced me to Martine's music, I love the
CD, most of the tracks are very good. At the boot sale
there were two tests with children, separate tests,
boys and girls, back facing, I failed both tests, I looked, was
it a test syndrome? There was no sexual interest.
Monday 28TH July 2008.
I went to Nat West Bank in town, I usually go there late or
early in the new month to pay bills. Telephone bugged, I am
tracked by council cameras, always tests set up in this bank when
I go there monthly. There was a test when I left, two little
girls back facing near the exit, I had to walk between the girls,
I looked down to make sure that I avoided them in case they
moved, a man said yes.
The testers know that I look down at children in close proximity to make sure that I avoid hitting children. Many tests are set up knowing my usual habits to record such tests as sexual. I became angry with Sarah today for the way she had treated me for the last few months, negating my brain affecting my health. This anger came and went over a few days: and went after a week.
Tuesday 29TH July 2008.
8PM walked in to town, I have done this a lot the last couple
of months, I walk through the town with different routes, I like
walking on summer nights. I was in a poor mental state. induced
by Sarah, why had she cut me out. Was she really alright?
There was test, a man dark green jumper looking in a shop window,
back facing, I looked mystified was it a test, the clothing
colours are usually black. There was a slight sexual interest.
This has increased recently because of the mental impairment
from Sarah. The spotter was a bit further on, he held his arm
up as I approached him, I held my nose walking towards the
man.
Wednesday 30TH July 2008.
The stress has been horrendous lately, there was heart
fibrillation again today. I gave up sugar a few
weeks ago, my sugar input used to be very high, I considered,
was this causing some of the stress? So I resumed taking sugar
in tea today.
I have also had a lot of head pain lately, I assumed that this was stress, I eventually realised that this was sinusitis, I inhaled steam and menthol crystals, this stopped the problem. I still sleep only a few hours per night. As I walked back from town I had to walk through a narrow pedestrian pass way, I looked down to avoid a boy child, a man said yes. Too many yes coincidences, yes statement events for it not to be sexual testing.
Thursday 31ST July 2008.
At 8PM I was returning to my house, still in a very poor mental
state, as I walked up Bishops Hill I was aware of a white clad
man on the other side of the road, I turned and looked at the man,
he was all white, trousers and top, this was unusual, There was
a slight sexual attraction, The spotter that was walking towards
me had used a
small video camera,
I held my nose as I approached the man spotter and his
girlfriend, he said thank you as he walked past.
Friday 1ST August 2008.
As I walked through Ipswich dock, a young boy shouted can you
help me? I've go a big eel, I can't get it out of the water.
I went over looked down at the long fish it had fins. It did
not look like an eel to me, It looked nearly dead. I looked for
a few seconds, then another man joined us, I then considered
was this a test, the boy had shorts on, sitting on the edge
of the dock, was I being filmed, was this a stitch up, I then
turned and left.
Saturday 2ND August 2008.
Made a bad mistake this day, I did not sleep well, only two
hours, I got up at 5:30 am and started work, I usually start
at 8AM. I was extremely stressed this day, heart fibrillating,
hyperventilating. Also as stressed, I had been binge eating
every two hours for about a week. This is severe anxiety.
I spoke with Sue-Elen, she said that Sarah was OK.
Monday 4TH August 2008.
4PM As I walked down Bishops Hill, there was a security guard as
always outside the E-ON building. I often felt he was there,
tipped off when I left my house, to be there to see if I looked
at him. This day the man had a white hat on, David the
homosexual, his brother John does security work, he wears a
white hat. This man had a black clad boy aged about 10 with
him, I looked to see if it was John. As I passed the man he
shouted keep your head down. When I returned from the town
centre, some boys behind me aged about 15 were shouting pervert,
queer to me, I looked round, they stopped shouting, I walked on
ignoring this.
Tuesday 5TH August 2008.
The lack of Sleep, only a half hour the night before,
finally caught up with me, causing paranoid
schizophrenia this day. The first indiction of this I was
reading a letter in the garden, at the garden table, as the
sunlight reflected off the white parts of the letter, small
circular light grey rings started to run across the paper, I
knew it was schizophrenia, I thought OK, so it's mild
schizophrenia.
Later in the day I clicked on a link to a web site in an e-mail, the web site did not load in to the browser. I thought Oh shit, I have just down loaded a virus. I am paranoid about viruses, they have destroyed my hard drives in the past. Shortly after this I went to transfer files to a directory, and all the other files in the directory that were previously there were deleted. Some of the colours on screen had become more intense, this further alarmed me. However I had a complete calm mental state.
I transferred files to another computer, when I copied the files, the file sizes increased, this is indicative of a virus. I immediately backed up my weeks work on another pen drive, and also uploaded this weeks work to one of my internet sites in a hidden directory. Later in the day I thought of the earlier incident of the grey rings running over the white paper, realised with the increase of the intensity of colours, that with the stress of late, lack of sleep: this could be paranoid schizophrenia. I took a large dose of anti-psychotic drugs, and kept the dosage high the next day, and the days thereafter.
I was dizzy this day, light changes when I walked from light areas to dark areas in the house, this also caused dizziness. A few days later when I could face the problem, was it schizophrenia? I checked all the files on all the computers, and they were all OK, intact, apart from one directory that had 18 hidden files in it, these files could not be accessed. All the other files were the correct file sizes. They had not changed as I had seen and noted. This confirmed paranoid schizophrenia. This schizophrenic day had destabilised me mentally for a few days, checking and double checking everything as I worked, this reduced my work output by at least 60 Per cent.
Wednesday 6TH August 2008.
Still taking 3 Milligrams of
Stellazine
this day two MG at 7 AM, one MG at 2PM I had a heart monitor
machine fitted this day for the fibrillation, for a cardiologist
to check to see if this is life threatening. Still shaky from
the schizophrenia attack, nerves shot away.
Note 07-08-08 further tests and phenomenal adaptation of the authors brain by his girlfriends cruelty, ( Sarah did not fully realise at the time what she was doing ). This has caused a phenomenal change of the authors brain in sexual interests in the last few months. Particularly, in sexual adaptation to a higher sexual interest in males. This interest will be kept under strict control, I do not want a sexual relationship with a male: or a female, as I feel at the moment. I just want to get on with my work, this is, and has always been my priority. Is it a test syndrome is still with me, but at a lower level.
Notes.
07 -08 -08. The profilers are aware of the
following, they use it to discredit me.
I always look down at young children when close in passing to make sure that I do not collide with them.
I always look at the nearest person, as they approach me.
I usually look at the isolated child, or isolated children to see if they are OK.
Note. Now I have published the above mannerisms, this usually makes me stop doing them. This has done this in the past with other publications: with my adapted mannerisms.
The dirty tricks at the boot sale.
There has been dirty tricks at the
Portman Road boot sale that I attend regularly on a Sunday
morning. People there have seen what I look for, computer
leads, old CD players that look from a distance like video
cassette tape recorders, CD's electrical items. Children.
mostly boys are placed in front of these items, boys bending
over to appear that I look at the child bending over. This
does not stop me going to the boot sale, or stop me looking at
these items with children near them or in front of them.
Also boys have been placed isolated, backs facing me, this triggers the is it a test syndrome? I often look at the child's back, this practise has now induced a slight sexual attraction, very slight. This I keep under strict control. I will never sexualise a child, I do not want to enter in so any sexual behaviour with such children, this also does not cause sexual fantasy, I still fantasise about Sarah. 07 08 08, but not so much, and much less fantasy masturbation.
Friday 8TH August 2008.
I telephoned Sue Elen at 8:45 AM. To see how Sarah was,
We spoke for a while, she said
that Sarah was with the David Rose, He has been told she
must not drink alcohol, the mental hospital are monitoring by
blood test, to see if she consumes alcohol.
This day I realised what I had done to Sarah I had made her Schizophrenic with the high level of love input to her brain building up to February 12TH 2008. My Birthday, with Sarah drunk continuously saying "Oh Babe, Oh Babe", every few seconds, and Sarah wriggling around moving her legs, so highly sexed this day.
It was not only the booze that had mentally destabilised her: made her schizophrenic. It was also my incrementing prioritised erogenous zone manipulation over a period of time heightening her sexual interest, but also the psychological manipulative input of the series of dirty words that I spoke to her when love making building her up to higher and higher trance orgasmic sex.
This being for longer and longer periods of time of heightened highly orgasmic trance sex. This making very sexually increasing desire for me, and making her fall in love with me more, wanting me more and more, the same had happened to me, I fell in love with her more wanting to satisfy her at every opportunity. It was also her daughters birthday, Sarah wanted my love so much this day, we had also just resumed the relationship that I had stopped.
Realising what I had done to Sarah made me suicidal this day, this had been building up for a few days, I became fearful of a kitchen knife in case I flipped and suddenly plunged it in to my heart: so I hid the knife away every time I used it. The red Stanley knife on my work bench in my workshop where I work all day, I hid this away in case in a sudden mental flip, I cut my wrists.
Saturday 9TH August 2008.
I had changed my medication over to
Diazipam / Valium
from
Zopiclone
the night before, this is a powerful tranquiliser. I felt
much more relaxed today, there were no thoughts of suicide,
the stress has gone, the binge eating has gone.
My sisters birthday, I telephoned her at 9AM, the voicemail cut in, I sang happy birthday down the phone, wished her a fantastic day. My sister rang me back at 10AM, we had a long chat and a laugh. At mid Day I went out in to my garden, there are no flowers in my garden, just a rough lawn, this grass has not been cut for a while. I have been writing this book. There were a lot of tall Dandelion flowers growing on the grass, small head 30MM diameter.
I picked one of the flowers, I held it close to me, and looked at the beauty of the symmetry of it. I then lightly kissed it once, and then very carefully laid it down on the compost heap. These flowers are very significant to me, this is the image that I saw in the centre of my head, a visual hallucination image, when I had my nervous breakdown in 1988: that started the rebuild of my brain towards evolution: and away from creationism. I have come a long way since. This event is well chronicled in my first book, Book-1 Programming Basic For Eternal Life.
Sunday 10TH August 2008.
After Midnight, at 12:30AM Graham, Denese's partner,
Denese is Sarah's sister, he
telephoned me to say Sarah had not returned to the mental
hospital that day, was she with me? I said no. I thought that
she would be with David Rose, one of her lovers. I telephoned
the mental hospital and gave them Sarah's contacts details, I
also telephoned the police. The police came and saw me mid
morning that day and I gave them as much detail as I could.
I telephoned the mental hospital again, I was concerned that Sarah would be sectioned upon her return to stop her absconding. The hospital assured me this was not the case. Sarah was free to come and go as she pleases but must return when she says the time she returning. I explained Sarah has OCD, her mind flips, she forgets the return time until it is too late, then she is frightened, thinks she is going to get in trouble: and will not return. She does this with everybody. The suicide thoughts and stress have still gone, I am now doing a full days work.
Monday 11TH August 2008.
3PM. As I walked through the docks in to Ipswich town, a boy
about 16 walked towards me wearing a hood, a hoodie, he
photographed me. When I returned from town the same boy was
walking with a younger black clad boy, as I passed the pair
not looking at either of them the hooded boy said sweet.
No other testing this day.
Tuesday 12TH August 2008.
No tests in town today, however, there was one test in Tesco's
extra store in Duke Street at 7PM at the automated check out
I had laid my
New Scientist
Book at the side, I looked at the
front page, there was a black clad woman near by, she said
yes indicating that I had looked at her bottom. This was
not so. Another false positive, or stitch up?
Thursday 14TH August 2008.
I now had time to check my computers this day for malware
intrusion I ran 6 programs, virus scanners, rootkit
revealers, bot analyses programs, I run these programs
every month to see if there are problems. The computer
that I thought was infected I had checked for 2 years and
never found any serious problems. However, this day was
quite different.
The analyses software revealed 58 pieces of malware 4 Trojans and a really nasty computer back door entry program called Z Lob Downloader.BS. So, there was a heavy virus intrusion a few days ago. However, the files that I saw change had not changed. The virus paranoia and loss of sleep the night before had caused schizophrenia for a few hours. This is not unusual for any person living through such circumstance. I down loaded a killer program and rid the computer of Z Lob. My other other software killed the rest of the malware.
Tuesday 19TH August 2008.
Sam the nephew of Sara had stolen 160 pounds of Chris a disabled
person with a mental age of 5. The information that I had was
that Social Services was made aware of this but because of the
mental age of Chris he would not do well in presenting evidence
in a court case. As far as I know there was no police prosecution.
Currently, there are a lot of disabled people that are being
exploited in this way.
Saturday 23RD August 2008.
I telephoned Sarah, I asked if she wanted to see me, she
replied yes. We socialised with friends in the afternoon,
and in the evening we all went to the local pub, we had a
good night. I stayed at Sarah's flat overnight, in the
morning Sarah said she was worried, Social Services wanted
to take me to court for what I had published on the internet
with Sarah's permissions about our sex life.
Social Services had seen her at the mental hospital about this matter, this had made her ill. She did not want to hurt me with a court case, she did not want to go to court over this matter. Sarah was crying as she said this S.S. were harassing her, they wanted to see her the following Wednesday 27Th again about this, this was really worrying her. She kept saying: I do not want to hurt you Tony. We agreed that at the time we agreed to publish our sex life, I was in a poor mental state, and so was Sarah, it was a mistake to publish, we had both made a silly decision
Tuesday 26TH August 2008.
In the evening I spoke with Sarah on the telephone, she again
repeated that the thoughts of a court case hurting me was
worrying her, I said, does the thought of a court case make
you suicidal, Sarah replied yes. I advised Sarah to miss the
officials that were coming to see her the following day: and
to come and see me, there was a resolution to the problem.
I also told Sarah that I would change her names on the site.
I could not change anything else, as this was a diary. I would
also remove the picture of her that is on another site, and
also her name there. Sara was pleased that I would do this.
Notes.
The phenomenal mental corruption from Sarah over the last
few months has adapted my sexual interests again. In my
assessment men and boys now rate at 30% female Children at
10% women at 60% I have no interests in having sex with
men or children.
Regards the poisoning attempts.
Poisoning Attempt One.
The expert did not arrive to see if he
could easily open and close my kitchen window undetected
with tools, this window is now securely screwed up, so it
now cannot be opened with tools.
Poisoning Attempt Two.
I have talked to a lot of people, researched the
internet: as to how a person could lose a stone in body fat
in a week, ( 6.5KG ), this fat blackening the toes, and
being very hard to remove. All areas of investigation have
drawn a blank.
Further to the above, in conversation with my sister, her husband suffered severe anxiety problems all his life, my sister thought the loss in body weight and fat loss could have been caused by a severe anxiety attack. I researched the internet and found an anxiety specialist: that was very helpful. I e-mailed the site for advice. Click on the link below to view the anxiety specialists site.
Anxiety Specialist.
